Formal Resignation

As transcribed from the now-viral, hilarious video of the departing Tesco employee who, when asked to give a “formal” resignation letter, decided to go “all out” and not just draft one, but to make a spectacle of having it read out:

To Whomever It May Concern,

I write this letter from a place of sorrow and regret. These six, long, arduous years have caused me to grow quite weary. Whilst I have revelled and laboured with my subordinates, my knees have grown weak and the grease on my elbows hath depleted. It is not for every man to accept large packages into their backdoor.  Nonetheless, it was my duty. I've wandered endless aisles, searching for sections incomplete. My gloves doth hold the sweat of many a toiled hour.  But my shoulders carry the weight of the worker’s burden.

To Chris, you are the father I never had. To John, you recognised my true potential. A finer manager I could not request. My final thanks goes to Steve, the emperor of this fine establishment. You have raised the bar from your predecessor infinitely. To say his name shall be remembered is a grotesque overstatement. I finish this letter with many thanks to my former comrades and I hereby submit my formal resignation.

Viva la Tesco!