From Spain: KFC has a new offering for those who’d like to envelope themselves with the smell of the stuff on its menu- a unisex fragrance based on the Colonel’s original recipe. And if you’re wondering how serious it is, it’s being pitched with a spot that lovingly parodies luxury fragrance commercials.
Excerpts from his talk on how to guarantee a life of misery, to the Harvard School graduating class of 1986.
I was puffed up when invited to speak. While not having significant public-speaking experience, I do hold a black belt in chutzpah, and, I immediately considered Demosthenes and Cicero as role models and anticipated trying to earn a compliment like Cicero gave when asked which was his favourite among the orations of Demosthenes. Cicero replied: ‘The longest one.”
However, fortunately for this audience, I also thought of Samuel Johnson’s famous comment when he addressed Milton’s poem, Paradise Lost, and correctly said: “No one ever wished it longer.” And that made me consider which of all the twenty Harvard School graduation speeches I had heard that I wished longer. There was only one such speech, that given by Johnny Carson, specifying Carson’s prescriptions for guaranteed misery in life. I therefore decided to repeat Carson’s speech but in expanded form with some added prescriptions of my own.
First, be unreliable. Do not faithfully do what you have engaged to do. If you will only master this one habit you will more than counterbalance the combined effect of all your virtues, howsoever great. If you like being distrusted and excluded from the best human contribution and company, this prescription is for you. Master this one habit and you can always play the role of the hare in the fable, except that instead of being outrun by one fine turtle you will be outrun by hordes and hordes of mediocre turtles and even by some mediocre turtles on crutches.
My second prescription for misery is to learn everything you possibly can from your own personal experience, minimizing what you learn vicariously from the good and bad experience of others, living and dead. This prescription is a sure-shot producer of misery and second-rate achievement.
You can see the results of not learning from others’ mistakes by simply looking about you. How little originality there is in the common disasters of mankind -drunk driving deaths, reckless driving maimings, incurable venereal diseases, conversion of bright college students into brainwashed zombies as members of destructive cults, business failures through repetition of obvious mistakes made by predecessors, various forms of crowd folly, and so on. I recommend as a memory clue to finding the way to real trouble from heedless, unoriginal error the modern saying: “If at first you don’t succeed, well, so much for hang gliding.”
And there’s that memorable closing line:
Gentlemen, may each of you rise high by spending each day of a long life aiming low.
The £700 Christmas commercial for a family run bar in Northern Ireland that has gone viral.
From Canada: a new spot for online investment management firm Wealthsimple stars Martin Short as an entitled diva and “the world’s most obnoxiously lazy spokesperson”.
A quirky campaign for Modern Woodmen Insurance, explained thus:
Yes, our name is Modern Woodmen of America. But women of today, we get you. We see you and all that you do. You have the grit and resourcefulness of the pioneers of yesteryear and, well, we want to tell your stories.
Our new advertising campaign honors women by telling their stories by the campfire, like pioneers have done for generations. Timeless, and timely, stories that celebrate the common values of financial security, quality family life and community impact.
From New Zealand: Heineken wants to help beer lovers decide what kind of brew their taste buds are likely to favour. To quote from a LinkedIn post:
If you're in Auckland this summer, look out for The Heineken Choice at selected bars around the city.
Our test kits, designed by geneticist Andrew Shelling, will help you understand that all important question: do you prefer Heineken Original, or the smoothness of our newest brew, Heineken Silver?
We each have 10,000 taste buds which are wired to taste certain strong flavours (or not). So let science help you decide which flavour beer you prefer this summer with The Heineken Choice!
From Australia: men’s health charity Movember has tied up with EasyDNA to offer a “world-first” scientific test that analyzes the DNA in your moustache and matches it to “the greatest hairy top lips in history.”
To quote from an AP report:
A pair of multicolored briefs peeking out above a robbery suspect’s low-slung trousers helped police arrest him more than a year later, federal authorities in New York said Wednesday.
The robbery happened at a tobacco shop in Queens on Sept. 14, 2022. Three masked men got out of a Mazda and entered the store, according to a complaint filed in federal court last week.
Two of the men pointed guns at employees and customers while the third emptied the cash register and grabbed merchandise and employees’ cellphones, the complaint said. The robbers fled in the Mazda
Surveillance videos that were disseminated through the media showed the third robber wearing brightly colored briefs with a large letter R in white and the year 1990 in yellow.
An anonymous tipster passed along the Instagram handle of the suspect with the colorful underwear, the complaint said. The caller also told police that the robbers had tried to sell their stolen merchandise at another Queens location.
Detectives reviewed video footage from the sale location and spotted the man with the colorful underwear, now easily identifiable because he was no longer wearing a mask, the complaint said.
As one might suspect, the irony didn’t just end there. They called 911, following which the police arrived, freed them, and then arrested them. Presumably, they’re now locked up again- just not accidentally.
This is how PetSmart Charities explains this initiative:
A pet’s backstory can inspire a person to adopt them, but they’re often left blank. That’s why PetSmart Charities created an AI tool to help volunteers, staff and fosters craft compelling pet profiles instantly.
Here’s a sample profile:
Hi, I’m Winston, a cuddly rabbit that was once the proud assistant of a forgetful magician named Merlin. One day, Merlin put me in his hat and forgot. I found myself in a land of mismatched socks, lost keys, and odd handkerchiefs. With some effort (and nibbling on some old capes) , I finally made my way out and hopped over to the shelter, hoping for a quieter life away from magical blunders. Now, I’m looking for a home where the only tricks are those involving carrot treats.
To quote from a SoraNews24 report:
It’s the brainchild of the Japan Weak Men’s Center, a Tokyo-based non-government organization. The group says that its intent in designating a train car for men to ride in is to raise awareness that there are men who are sexually victimized by women, as well as men who feel distressed riding trains because they fear they will be falsely accused of groping a female passenger following unintended physical contact as passengers are pressed together on crowded trains.
The “men-only car,” as it’s being called, will run on the Tokyo Sakura Tram, also known as the Toden Arakawa Line, Tokyo’s last remaining streetcar line. Rather than being a policy decision from the rail operator, though, the “men-only car” is coming about by way of the Japan Weak Men’s Center renting out an entire train (the tram’s trains are a single-carriage format) on November 18. And despite the “men-only car” name, the organizers say that anyone, regardless of gender, is welcome to ride, as long as they agree with the purpose of the event.
Over the past week or so, a number of advertising websites have been covering a campaign for a line of high-end skirts under the brand sellaV. Head to the brand’s website and you are greeted with a series of playfully erotic images, most of which are set against the backdrop of a tennis court. For those who seek details about the brand, this is what you are told:
Named as a tribute to the founder’s mother who taught her daughter the sport she herself only learned by sneaking out to play growing up in Puerto Rico, sellaV offers revived tennis classics elevated through fabrication and thoughtful detail.
Inspired by the flirtatious on-court dynamic between romantics, tailored tennis skirts are designed with luxury textiles in flattering silhouettes, to be worn in a myriad of appointments, but exceptionally positioned for navigating the chemistry from the rhythmic back and forth of match play all the way to the next arena of romantic intrigue for the love addicted.
The centrepiece, though, is a sensual 2 minute short film on tennis and dating, that gives new meaning to the term ‘foreplay’.
From Thailand: a new spot for footwear brand Ving reimagines the ending of a well-known Thai movie with inspiration from Forrest Gump, mixed with some local humour.
Coffee and Cars —a Texas-based “casual assembly” of car lovers who meet once a month— is in the news for a ban that it instituted on a specific set of cars.
Excerpts from a news report:
The Coffee and Cars event in Houston takes place the first Saturday of every month at the POST Houston entertainment venue. Organizers have long tried to deal with the issue of poor behavior from attendees. Like most meets, it has clearly posted rules and signage for attendees to leave calmly and avoid horseplay. With this call seemingly unheeded by a select few, the event has seen fit to instead try and ban offenders with a broad-strokes ruling. Thus, temporarily, Mustangs, Camaros, and Chargers will be unwelcome at the Houston event.
A model-based ban is an interesting move that plays on stereotypes in the car scene. Mustang owners are so famous for spinning out of control at meets that they functionally became a meme. Similarly, Camaros and Chargers are muscle cars that are beloved for their ability to generate copious amounts of tire smoke.
Whether banning these cars solves the problem remains to be seen. Right off the bat, it’s easy to see some flaws in the reasoning. It’s curious to ban the Dodge Charger with no mention of the Dodge Challenger, which shares similar drivetrains and a propensity towards burnouts. The Corvette, too, is a capable vehicle for such shenanigans, but it is not subject to the ban.
Uber UK is promoting train booking on its app, with a playful dig at its ride-hailing customers.
This year’s John Lewis Christmas commercial is out and it centres on—believe it or not— a Venus flytrap. If that makes you think of The Little Shop of Horrors, well, the result here is a lot more pleasant and palatable, if you don’t mind my saying so.
Porn star Lisey Sweet doesn’t mince her words in two spots that take aim at conservative politicians who favour gun lobbyists.
A new spot for McCain Hasselbacks does away with the need for words, as we know them.
From New Zealand: an outdoor campaign for canned water brand Vista Drinks. I can’t quite decide which is funnier: the campaign itself or the way it’s been described by the creative agency behind it. To quote:
Somewhere at the crossroads between science and stupidity, you will find Vista Drinks. New flavours. More bold claims.
IMDb biographies are generally formal, bland and, all too often, loaded with unnecessary praise, as well as an emphasis on the person’s ancestry. The IMDb bio of Jesper Christensen is a refreshing exception to all of that. Maybe that’s because it was written by the actor himself (or so it appears). Notably, it is infused with a touch of humour, and steers clear of mentioning his role in the Bond franchise.
Note: IMDb guidelines stipulate that bios be written in the third person.
Born 1948 in central Copenhagen. Lived there ever since. Did 25 years of theatre, - like Alceste in the Misanthropist, Richard in Richard lll (solo), Faust in Faust, Astrov in Vanja, a lot of worried men,- stopped doing it in 1998. Since then only worried men on film. Worked on more than 100 films by Per Fly, Marc Forster, John Madden, Lone Scherfig, Sydney Pollack, Jan Troell, Martin Campbell, Anette K Olesen, Pernille Fischer Christensen, and others. Since 2000 lives with Tove Bornhoeft, wonderful Danish theatre manager/director/actress. Two grown up daughters. No animals. Dogs, pigs, chickens, cats, birds, horses, fish, rabbits - all gone now.
An exchange between a news anchor and a weatherman on a BBC local news show, best explained by this report:
Paul Hudson has been working for the national broadcaster since the 90s, where he presents the weather for the Look North programme.
Over the years he’s become known for his banter with anchors Harry Gration and Peter Levy, the latter of whom was taken aback with their latest on-air exchange this week.
On Thursday, Peter alerted audiences during a cross that Paul had been facing some technical difficulties and checked in to see if all had been resolved.
‘At lunchtime his equipment wasn’t working,’ he explained.
‘Is it repaired?’ he then asked his colleague.
Not skipping a beat, Paul responded with a cheeky comment.
‘Well, I think you’ll find my 10-week-old daughter proves there’s nothing wrong with my equipment,’ the 52-year-old quipped.
Clearly taken aback, Peter could be heard exclaiming ‘oh’ before he was then seen leaning forward and throwing his hands over his face while laughing.
Standing there casually like nothing too crazy had been said, Paul smiled and simply said: ‘Well, you asked.’
An amusing campaign from the Swedish tourist board Visit Sweden. To quote from the press release:
People still get Sweden and Switzerland mixed up. Every year, 120,000 people google the question: "Are Sweden and Switzerland the same?". Even the most informed and powerful people on earth can't always tell the two countries apart; A world leader, the New York Stock Exchange, and a famous popstar have all experienced this. Determined to end the confusion once and for all, Sweden is now proposing actions.
UK’s Ministry of Justice is on a drive to hire Prison Officers. Here’s their pitch:
Working in a prison is a truly unique experience. No two shifts are the same. You’ve got to be resilient, confident and a great communicator.
Our prison officers perform a vital role in society, in an environment like no other. We are peacekeepers, teachers, counsellors. You could be too.
As a prison officer, you’ll be part of a diverse team doing meaningful work in our prisons.
You’ll work with a range of people and perform a variety of tasks – from keeping the prison safe and secure, to helping vulnerable people through a difficult time in their lives.
Prisons can be unpredictable, but it’s about working together and keeping calm under pressure while enjoying the little things, like helping a prisoner learn a new skill or teaching them to view things from a new perspective.
It can be a challenging job, but in return you’ll get good pay, training and benefits, and have the support of a strong team.
If you’re someone who loves to munch on something, while on an online chat, Doritos has something for you: a software that cancels out the sound of your chomping. To quote from the product website:
Crunch Cancellation software silences the sound of the iconic Doritos crunch. So you can eat Doritos without distracting your gaming squad or voice chat party.
Turn Crunch Cancellation on and you’re all set. Once your mic is filtered, you’ll be able to chat as normal, but no one will hear you crunch.
Crunch Cancellation is powered by artificial intelligence that has been trained by over 5,000 Doritos crunches, so no crunch will go undetected.
To quote from the website of hair transplant provider GetHair:
At GetHair, we have explored the link between your grandfather and male pattern baldness (MPB), and guess what? You’re right to be pointing the finger. Scientific research shows that both your maternal and paternal grandfather’s genes are to blame for genetic hair loss. We’ve seen that over the past month alone Google searches for “Hair loss genetics from mum or dad” soared by 2,000%, with “Does baldness come from mother’s side” growing 600% and “Does baldness come from father” by 350%. GetHair has a surprising way to settle the score – by invoicing your grandad for the cost of a hair transplant!
As for grandfathers, GetHair has this offer:
The first 30 Grandfathers whose Grandsons book a hair transplant through GetHair will receive a hotel accommodation in Istanbul, including airport transfers and breakfasts!
