That’s from a quote attributed to Italian actress Tiziana Schiavarelli, about a yet-to-be inaugurated statue of a mermaid, that is causing quite a stir.
It looks like a mermaid with two silicone breasts and, above all, a huge arse never seen before on a mermaid. At least not any I know.
Excerpts from an announcement by sex toys retailer Lovehoney on its website:
Pleasure Pays
Get paid to masturbate and apply to our Orgasm Advisory Board
Lovehoney is looking to hire a diverse group of 10 sex toy testers across all experience levels, from the sex toy collector to the pleasure product novice and everyone in between. We’ll use feedback from this Orgasm Advisory Board to improve product offerings in both quality and inclusivity.
As an Orgasm Advisory Board member, you’ll get:
- $1,000 per one year of service
- A pleasure package of sex toys each month
- Bragging rights as a professional sex toy tester
No, I’m not referring to the 1999 Blink-182 album but to a limited-edition ‘collectible enema kit’ named after the album. It’s been brought to life by the creative team at canned water brand Liquid Death in tandem with Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker. That should hopefully explain its strangeness and uniqueness.
To quote from the product page:
Travis Barker played drums on the hit album Enema of the State. Does that make him an expert on enemas? No. And neither are we. But together, we are launching a revolutionary new enema kit that might turn all of your dreams into reality.
Enema of the State is a limited edition collectible adult art piece and not intended for use as a real medical device. Enema of the State should never be placed in or near your butthole without consulting a doctor first. Also, you should not place it in or near your friend’s butthole without consulting them or their doctor first either.
Be sure to check out the tongue-in-cheek promotion video that features some wacky ‘testimonials’.
From Canada: a new spot from Specsavers marks the trans-Atlantic debut of its iconic tagline.
The US milk industry’s iconic ‘Got Milk?’ campaign gets a reboot in a new spot fronted by Aubrey Plaza, that spoofs plant-based milk alternatives.
More seagull news, this time from Belgium. Excerpts from a Reuters report:
The Belgian coastal town of De Panne organised on Sunday the third European seagull screeching championship, where a jury crowned the best imitation of the bird's distinctive shriek.
Around 50 participants took part in the contest including first-timers and returning participants. Each was judged by a professional jury which awarded 15 points for how well they imitated the seagull's sound and five points for their behaviour.
Seagulls are often despised by the public because of their intrusive behaviour and the contest also aims at changing their image.
Excerpts from a report in The Guardian:
A Spanish court has ruled that a company was wrong to fire an electrician who may have drunk more than three litres of beer in one day because it had not proved that his consumption had left him “inebriated, intoxicated or drunk”, or unable to do his job.
The man, who had worked for the company for 27 years, was sacked in September 2021 after a private detective hired by his employers followed him and his company van over the course of a few days that July.
The [dismissal] letter informed the man he was being sacked for “repeated and excessive alcohol consumption during the working day, which endangered his physical wellbeing and that of his workmates” both while on the job and at the wheel of his company vehicle.
The court, however, found the company’s actions ill-founded.
“At no time did the private detective make mentions of signs of inebriation or clumsiness when it came to walking,” it said in its judgment.
“Neither has it been proved, even circumstantially, that his physical and mental faculties were reduced or diminished during his tasks as an electrician, nor that he was impeded when he drove the company van at the end of the working day.”
The court added: “Another factor to be borne in mind is that this relates to the month of July in Murcia and Cartagena, where the climatic conditions and the geographical habits should be considered.”
To quote from a recruitment ad by Blackpool Zoo in Lancashire:
We need to do what we can to keep the seagulls away from our main visitor dining areas, which is why we are looking for a team of people to join our Visitor Services team as ‘Seagull Deterrents’
We are looking for people that are:
- Visitor Focused
- Friendly
- Energetic
- Flexible
- Outgoing – as you need to be comfortable wearing a bird costume!
The ad is accompanied by an image of what is presumably the ‘bird costume’ that one will have to wear.
Excerpts from an AP report:
For years, Miller High Life has used the “Champagne of Beers” slogan. This week, that appropriation became impossible to swallow.
At the request of the trade body defending the interests of houses and growers of the northeastern French sparkling wine, Belgian customs crushed more than 2,000 cans of Miller High Life advertised as such.
The Comité Champagne asked for the destruction of a shipment of 2,352 cans on the grounds that the century-old motto used by the American brewery infringes the protected designation of origin “Champagne.”
Charles Goemaere, the managing director of the Comité Champagne, said the destruction of the beers “confirms the importance that the European Union attaches to designations of origin and rewards the determination of the Champagne producers to protect their designation.”
The buyer in Germany “was informed and did not contest the decision,” the trade organization said in a statement.
A campaign to highlight the questionable bonhomie between UK banks and the fossil fuel industry finds a rather unusual way to make its point.
U.S. broadcast network Bally Sports has a wacky campaign that centres on a product for emotionally-charged hockey fans who are prone to hurling their remote control at their TVs. Except that the said product can’t be bought. To quote from the campaign website: “Our cautious lawyers are too cautious to let us give these away.”
There is also this disclaimer:
Bally Sports does not endorse throwing your remote at your TV, and is not responsible for any screens broken while using this product. Although it bears a striking resemblance to a pool arm floaty thing, the Bally Sports TV Screen Saver is definitely not one, and is therefore not approved for aquatic use.
That’s how Kraft Heinz’s Just Crack an Egg brand is pitching an offer for a free subscription to a farmers dating site. To quote from the promotion website:
To make a Just Crack an Egg™ breakfast, you need to add a fresh egg. But who can afford to pay today’s high egg prices? You might as well try to marry a millionaire. Or date a farmer.
To help you get started, Just Crack An Egg™ is giving you a year of free access to FarmersOnly.com—a dating site with over a million single farmers looking for someone to share their eggs with.
The New York City Department of Sanitation is out to shame “litterers and dog-poopetrators”.
From Australia: online sex toys retailer Wild Secrets is making a serious pitch to senior adults.
This, from the campaign web page:
At Wild Secrets we know that sex, like a fine wine, can get better with age.
That's why we're offering you a 20% discount with your senior citizen's card*.
We've got a wide range of toys to help you experience pleasure. Whether you're riding solo or spicing things up with your partner, there's something for everyone to enjoy!
Have some fun with your senior's discount and enjoy a wild time today...
And this, from the mail order catalogue:
One thing the nation can agree on is the potential for sex toys to enhance pleasure for older Australians. Across the country, 60% of respondents said they believe that sex toys can help maximise pleasure for over 65s. It’s time to bring your toys into the night.
A few years ago, I did a post centered on a parody website Rent-a-Hitman. I referred to one instance of a person who assumed it to be real, and asked for the services of a hitman, which led to her being arrested. The website is in the news again after the arrest of a man who allegedly applied on the site, expressing interest to work as a hitman.
Excerpts from a news report:
Authorities recently arrested a Tennessee Air National Guard service member after he reportedly sought work as a hitman on a fake website known to lure would-be criminals.
FBI agents earlier this month arrested Josiah Ernesto Garcia, 21, who allegedly attempted to become a hired killer with the parody website rentahitman.com, according to a criminal complaint filed in a Tennessee district court.
Garcia reportedly first inquired about employment with the site on February 16, indicating he possessed “military experience, and rifle expertise.”
A few days later, the complaint alleges Garcia, nicknamed “Reaper,” submitted a resume noting his employment in the state’s Air National Guard from July 2021 to present. It remains unclear whether he submitted a cover letter or three professional references, as is custom with non-hitman job applications.
Rather than focus his job search on an accredited platform, Garcia sent multiple follow up emails to the site. The FBI eventually intervened, instructing the website owner to set up a “phone interview” with the aspiring hitman.
“I’ve been looking into this for some time now. I was looking for a way to make good money,” Garcia reportedly told the FBI, saying in another email to the website owner that he wanted a good paying job to support a child he had on the way.
In the interview, Garcia also reportedly said he would be comfortable with taking fingers or ears as trophies, or performing torture at a client’s request.
From Canada: online delivery platform SkipThe Dishes has launched an online “inflation-fighting grocery shopping tool”. To quote from the website:
Inflation Cookbook tracks weekly pricing of over 400 items from retailers at over 80 locations across the country to help Canadians maximize their grocery budgets.
Tell us about your needs, and we’ll fill your shopping cart with the week’s lower priced items to help maximize your budget, along with healthy, chef-curated recipes using those same ingredients.
From France: a new spot for Intermarché tells a poignant tale of lunch theft, capped with a topical assurance of the availability of inexpensive, healthy food choices.
A 2 minute darkly funny short from award winning ad director Kiran Koshy, under the banner of the not-so-subtly named Federation Against Ageism Towards Advertising Creatives (FAAAC).
A new campaign from pet food brand ACANA paints a quirky profile of its customers.
Spot 1: Pet Sitter
Spot 2: First Date
Excerpts from a report on the University of Sussex website:
University of Sussex mathematicians have developed the first ever mathematical model of how to reach sexual climax, as revealed in a new paper.
Taking inspiration from the use of maths to analyse and improve sports performance, the Sussex researchers have combined decades of data on physiological and psychological arousal to model the optimum conditions to achieve orgasm.
The study focuses on the sexual responses of men because, compared to women, they have a simpler arousal cycle and so were a good scientific starting point. Using their findings, the Sussex mathematicians are now working on a model for female satisfaction.
The paper, titled ‘Sex, ducks and rock ‘n’ roll: mathematical model of sexual response’, is published in a special issue of the journal Chaos, one of the flagship journals of the American Institute of Physics. ‘Ducks’ is a reference to the mathematical concept of ‘canards’.
From Australia: mattress startup 10:PM has transformed rancid, discarded mattresses into billboards with some creatively repulsive messages. Here’s a sample:
HERE'S A FUN DEAD SKIN STAT TO MAKE YOUR ALIVE SKIN CRAWL.
30% of the weight of this mattress is made of dried epidermis particles shed by everyone who's ever caught a quick siesta on it. And since it's been dumped in Bondi backpacker-ville, it probably contains not-so-trace amounts of Irish, Brazilian, German and hideously sunburnt Pom. The most putrid thing about this United Nations skin salad? The mattress you nuzzle up to at night is probably 30% dead particles too. Unless, of course, you already had the wherewithal to buy a new, ultra comfortable, microbe neutralising, eco friendly Aussie made mattress from 10:PM.
According to the case study video, the text was stamped on the mattresses (“one judgmental letter at a time”) and then they were put up across locations that included affluent suburbs and outside Parliament .
The campaign also features a set of films that seek to project the essence of each ‘billboard’.
-Bondi Backpackers
-Parliament House Spineless
-Mardi Gras Queen
-Watsons Bay Swingers
Pot Noodles has a new campaign that I am tempted to describe as ‘hole-some’. Some of it may be understandable, such as the initiative to drive awareness around pot-holes, which has also received a fair bit of media attention. But beyond that, it seems that the team behind the campaign simply let their imagination run wild.
A prank product from gaming brand Razer, to mark All Fools’ Day. To quote from the website:
Things can get hairy when you’re on a bad losing streak. Thankfully, we’ve got the solution that’ll shave the day. Put on your best game face with the Razer Razer—the world’s first shaving mouse powered by Razer Chroma™ RGB, designed for an ultra-clean shave that brings out your A-game.
360 Follicles Per Second (FPS)
Spend more time gaming and less time shaving with ergonomically angled microblade panels designed for smooth, seamless strokes.Instant Performance Boost
After shaving with the Razer Razer, test subjects have reported a marked increase in gaming performance of up to 69%.Light-induced Skin Rejuvenation
With access to 16.8 million colors and a suite of lighting effects, apply your preferred settings and experience smoother, more supple skin with every subsequent shave.
There’s also a set of amusing FAQs:
Can the Razer Razer be used on areas other than my face?Yes. But please, for the love of all that is good, wash the Razer Razer before you plan to shave your face again.
Help! Using the Razer Razer has made me too OP in my favorite game. Are there any ways to reverse the effect?The performance buff of the Razer Razer will gradually fade as your hair regrows. However, if you’d like to immediately perform worse, we recommend temporarily switching to non-Razer products.
Were any Razer employees harmed during testing?Define ‘harmed’.
Quite the news headline:
Except that he wasn’t naked when he stole the bus. And he put the dead deer in it himself. From the police report:
The driver of the bus fled on foot through a wooded area after leaving the bus behind.
As the male fled from Police, he led them through parking lots and a busy traffic areas which had vehicles entering and exiting businesses. The male stripped his clothing as he fled from Police and after being apprehended in the nude, admitted to taking the bus earlier in the day after crashing a BMW vehicle. The defendant was positively identified as Tony Saunders.
Saunders said that he had taken the vehicle and had placed a deceased deer in the back of the bus and was going to drive the deer to his residence and use the deceased deer as fertilizer for his garden.
A car wash chain has been announcing a free wash for cars that are pooped on by a pigeon—to be specific, its “official pigeon”.
From New Zealand: adventure gear brand Macpac takes inspiration from Cliffhanger, mixed with a dash of Kiwi humour, to pitch the durability of its wares.
As expressed by one of the owners of a Dairy Queen franchise in Arizona after a 15-foot-tall red spoon, that adorned the restaurant, was stolen.
I appeal to the person. This spoon is too big to eat anything. We want you to bring it back. We will not ask any questions.
