The Cure for Having a Teenager

Via a series of wacky radio spots, narrated by someone who- we are to assume- is a cranky German psychiatrist, Pedigree makes a hilarious case for pet adoption.  Here’s a peek:

Did you know the rational part of a teenager’s brain switches off to allow the rest of the brain to develop? That's where you're living with a total buzzkill. A droopy house plant of a human.  ‘This ice cream sucks’. ‘This holiday sucks’. Everything ‘sucks’, except for the stuff that totally ‘blows’.

You spent $10,000 on braces, and you're not even sure he'll smile again. He's too sedentary to run away. Your only option is adoption.

Link to all spots

Clinical Error in Christmas Greetings

From a BBC news report out of Yorkshire:

A GP surgery accidentally told patients they had aggressive lung cancer instead of wishing them a merry Christmas.

Askern Medical Practice sent the text message to people registered with the surgery in Doncaster on 23 December.

The first text told recipients they had "aggressive lung cancer with metastases", a type of secondary malignant growth.

However, about an hour later people received a second text telling them it was an error and it was meant to wish them a merry Christmas instead.

^{image via BBC}

Tired, in point of fact

The text of a recent letter published in The Times, UK.

Sir, Grateful as I am for the King’s supportive comments on Christmas Day, I have to say that “tireless” is not an accurate adjective for healthcare workers (“King’s speech is a gift for ‘tireless’ health workers”, news, Dec 26). We are not tireless, we are exhausted, demoralised and angry, and are fed up with working in a service that is understaffed, underfunded for what it is being asked to provide and which is being used as a whipping boy by anyone with a political axe to grind. We are tired of being expected to carry on despite this, and despite decades of real-terms pay erosion. We are also tired of being told by politicians that industrial action puts patients’ lives at risk while they refuse to acknowledge that their failure to act has resulted in a state of collapse for the NHS, which is a far greater threat to patients.

Using adjectives such as “tireless” fails to acknowledge that burnout and exhaustion are causing thousands of healthcare workers to leave, either for other jobs or for countries that value us more.
Dr Cath Livingstone
Consultant anaesthetist, Galashiels, Selkirkshire

Village with a population of 16 creates nude calendar

Excerpts from a report out of Spain, published on The Guardian website:

For decades they’ve grappled with a steady exodus as residents set their sights on jobs and opportunities beyond the southern Spanish hamlet. But the dwindling population of Peña Zafra de Abajo may have found a singular strategy to fight back – in essence stripping down to save their town.

“When I suggested the idea of a nude calendar, people said, ‘Are you crazy?’” said Lucía Nicolás, who leads the hamlet’s residents’ association. “But I saw it as a way to put ourselves on the map and show off our hamlet of 16 residents.”

The undisputed star of the calendar, however, is Pedro Sánchez. At 100 years old, the hamlet’s oldest resident graces the month of December, shirtless and smiling as he holds up a bota, or wineskin. “He was the first one to say yes,” said Nicolás.

Since its launch in October, orders for the €9 calendar have poured in from across Spain and even as far as Mexico. “We’ve sold nearly 400,” said Nicolás. “We first ordered 200 and thought we would end up giving away the extras, but madre mia, they’ve been snapped up.”

The images that make up the calendar can be seen here and here.

Bears, Bulls and Christmas

A series of Christmas-linked tweets from online investment platform eToro.

When you really hate a song…

A couple’s hate for the song ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! has led them them to launch a fundraiser to buy the song's rights so that they can stop it from being played on air.

Excerpts from an indy100 report:

Tomas Mazetti, 55, and his wife Hannah, 33, have already raised a staggering $62,100 to banish the Christmas classic from history books.

They said they had set a goal of $15,000,000 which will take them to the next stage of negotiating with Warner Chappell Music UK.

If the dream comes true, they intend to dump the master recording in a Finnish nuclear waste site, "where it'll rest for at least two million years”.

Gifts for People You Hate

Looking for a holiday gift for someone you hate?  Los Angeles-based ad agency Unusual has set up an online store with a selection of gifts that could fit your requirement. What’s more, if you can’t think of someone to hate, the website has an ‘asshole database’- the names and addresses of well-known people and organisations that you are likely to hate.

When a ‘Mistress’ Calls

From Florida: a dominatrix has been in the news after making an appearance at a meeting of Fort Lauderdale city commissioners with a rather unusual request- for taxpayer money funding for a dungeon.  Also of note was the specific wording of that request.  To quote:

Good evening, council peoples. You may call me ‘Mistress’.

I am here standing neutral to the motion approving an agreement for the proprietary purchase of Yardways Processing and Disposal. I do, however, find it interesting that you will spend almost 1 million dollars to hide your secrets down the drain - hiding that condom I know used to cheat on your spouse with.

So, I propose that you use a quarter of that mill to support ‘doms’ and ‘subs’ in Broward County, to build a dungeon created for us by us- the taxpayers and voting citizens.

In closing, do not let this glamorous look distract you from doing your duty to take my demand.

I look forward to spanking each and every single one of you at the new esteemed dungeon. You are dismissed.

The immediate response from one of the commissioners:

Okay, thank you.  And happy holidays to you.

Link to video

Link to coverage of episode by  CNN’s Jeanne Moos

Man vs. Tree

From a tweet put out by the Ontario Provincial Police in Canada:

Man vs Tree #HuronOPP arrested a 39-yr-old Sarnia man after finding him intoxicated trying to fight a tree on William St in @SouthHuron on Dec 15th. Yes, you read that correctly. Suspect was held overnight to sober up after receiving a public intox ticket. #drinkresponsibly

Nike Waffles… that you can eat

From Japan: the ‘Waffles’ collaboration between Sacai and Nike has taken on a more literal extension- actual waffles, but shaped as footwear soles, with the Nike Swoosh.  Sacai has tied up with food collective Ghetto Gastro to offer, for a limited time, four combinations of gluten-free waffles, including one with a side of caviar.

Sexual Interest and Long Life

From the findings of a recent study out of Japan:

This study suggested that lack of sexual interest is a risk factor for all-cause mortality in Japanese males but not females. These findings suggest that maintaining sexual interest might increase longevity in males.

Helpful Chocolate

From Kuwait: a new spot for a local sweetshop chain makes the case for chocolate as the answer to handling the uncertainties of life.

Link to video (be sure to watch it till the end)

Runaway Reindeer

This year’s Christmas spot for Air New Zealand spins a heart-warming tale in which Santa needs help.

Link to video

Fakes that Matter

Veteran tough guy actor Danny Trejo takes us on an amusing tour of moviemaking illusions towards making a bigger point in this PSA on counterfeit medicines.

Link to video

‘For Pricks Everywhere’

It started off as a question to New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern from her political opponent David Seymour, asking her to give an example of her “making a mistake, apologising for it properly, and fixing it”.  It resulted in a response that ended with her being caught on a hot mic, alluding to Mr. Seymour as “an arrogant prick”.  Quite incredibly, thanks to that comment, the entire episode has now been wrapped up as a wonderful example of precisely what Mr. Seymour had asked her. Their exchange has been framed and is being auctioned for a good cause, with some humour thrown into the mix.  To quote from the auction website:

Ardern, Seymour join forces for pricks everywhere

In the spirit of a Kiwi Christmas, two political foes unite to raise money for a good cause. You will receive a framed printout of the Parliamentary Hansard co-signed by the Rt. Hon. Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern and one-time arrogant prick, ACT Party Leader David Seymour. All proceeds to the Prostate Cancer Foundation.

Bureaucratic Translations of Popular Music

What if bureaucrats had written the lyrics of iconic pop songs?  That’s the idea explored in this art project out of Sweden.  As explained in this AgencySpy report:

Swedish art director Oskar Pernefeldt has completed a project that nobody asked for, but many will be pleased with the silly results. His “Bureaucratic Translations of Popular Music” project has taken lyrics from numerous pop artists and made them into a dry humor poster series.

From the Instagram page of the initiative:

‘Seusspicious-looking passenger’

As tweeted by Arizona’s Department of Public Safety:

Last week, an #AZTrooper spotted a driver in the high-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lane with a Seusspicious-looking "passenger" on I-10 at Avondale Blvd at 8AM. The trooper stopped the driver & determined the grumpy green guy was, in fact, an inflatable Grinch. (No other passengers.)

While we appreciate the festive flair, this is illegal & the driver received a citation for the HOV violation. With extra traffic on AZ roads this time of year, be sure you understand the law (ARS 28-737) & restricted times before using HOV lanes. Don’t get caught with a #Grinch!

Poop Dump Explained

Last week, a Texas woman made headlines after she was arrested for leaving buckets filled with 50lbs of human feces outside her local police station. Among the striking aspects of the case was the methodical approach followed by the woman which included wearing a hazmat suit.  However, there appeared to be no explanation for the source of such a vast quantity of feces. One report has since emerged that claims to feature an interview with that woman in which she explains how the event came about.  To quote from that report:

This morning, we had Mindy Stephens on the phone, and she explained the real reason behind her decision.

"I had a renter who was renting a back apartment, and he was being evicted after living there. He'd been living without paying for rent or utilities for a year," Mindy said.

"He trashed the place, and I had to clean it all up, which is when I found the poop. He had buckets of poop. He'd been pooping in the buckets."

"I saw a 5-gallon bucket on top of a milk crate with a board over it. I flipped the board over and saw what was inside and thought, "Aw, what the hell?" she told us.

After the officers took him away and removed him from the property, she knew she had to get the buckets of human waste out of there but wasn't sure who to call.

The police said it was a civil matter.

"Civil matter? It's a biohazard," Mindy said.

The EPA told her to "Take the buckets to the proper authorities." So, she put the buckets on her trailer and drove them to the police station in her hazmat suit.

Legacy of a Killer

From Finland: a 3 minute film teaser to promote the latest book of crime novelist Tommi Laiho.

Link to video

Provocative Art

According to an Artnet news report, police broke into a London gallery, after someone reported that a woman there, sitting face-down on a table, had not been moving for two hours or so.  The ‘woman’ turned out to be a hyper-realistic sculpture.  One of the employees was quoted as saying this about what happened:

The work is to provoke and it’s definitely achieving that.

‘Parasitic worms throw dance party in man’s scrotum’

Excerpts from a report on the Ars Technica website:

Twirling parasitic worms throw dance party in man’s scrotum

When parasitic worms make it into a scrotum, they have a ball—and dance like nobody's watching.

But in a hospital in New Delhi, India, doctors were watching. And they caught the dangling disco on film, down to their lymphatic limbo line, according to a short report appearing in the New England Journal of Medicine this week.

The thread-like parasite's penchant for pirouetting is well-established. In medical terms, ultrasound imaging of their scrotal soirées is referred to as the "filarial dance sign." As the authors of the NEJM report explain: "The dance sign represents the undulations of live worms that have migrated into lymphatic channels, causing dilation and dysfunction of the channels." (The report includes video but is behind a paywall. A similar example of the filarial dance sign can be seen here.)

In the NEJM report, the authors, Amit Sahu and Bharat Aggarwal of the Max Super Specialty Hospital in New Delhi, spied the festering festivities in a 26-year-old man, who had a one-month history of scrotal pain and swelling, as well as low-grade fevers. An ultrasound examination quickly caught the ballsy revelers responsible. Blood testing confirmed the diagnosis, and examination of the young worms identified them as Wuchereria bancrofti microfilariae.

The man was given a three-week course of the antiparasitic drug diethylcarbamazine, which can kill microfilariae and some adult worms. After that, his symptoms resolved and there were no more signs of parasitic partying.

Creepy Cleaners

In a new spot, Heineken conjures up an amusing reason not to be working late.

Link to video

‘Bull Sperm Heist’

To quote from an AP report out of Berlin:

German police seek help in solving bull sperm heist

Police in western Germany are appealing for help in cracking a potentially very cold case.

Authorities say about 60 containers of bull sperm were stolen from a farm in the town of Olfen, 90 kilometers (56 miles) northeast of Cologne, late Monday or early Tuesday.

Police said in a statement Wednesday that while it’s unclear how the rustle happened, the precious cargo needs to be supercooled with liquid nitrogen at –196 Celsius degrees (–320 Fahrenheit) so it isn’t spoiled.

They are seeking tips from the public that might lead to the recovery of the sperm, which was intended for artificial insemination.

Cargo Shorts with Insulated Pockets

That’s pretty much the essence of a new limited-edition offering from sandwich brand Hot Pockets, targeted at that very specific tribe of people who prefer to wear shorts in the peak of winter and like to carry around a hot sandwich.

To quote from the press release:

Everyone knows someone who is a year-round shins-in-the-wind shorts devotee – paying no mind to what the windchill factor might caution. For those brave enough to battle the cold year-round, Hot Pockets® is bringing the heat while keeping sandwiches warm with the new Hot Pockets inspired shorts.

Each pair of these one-of-a-kind Hot Pockets Shorts features a literal hot pocket. See what we did there? It's an insulated cargo pocket that keeps your Hot Pockets sandwiches warm and toasty for when you're ready to refuel.

"Wearing shorts in winter is a bold choice," said Bryan Waddell, Brand Marketing Manager, Hot Pockets. "With our insulated shorts, Hot Pockets found an unexpected way to bring the heat to this chilly fashion trend."

Hot Pockets Shorts are paired with a matching hoodie, emblazoned with a fiery cartoon imploring fashion fans to "Stay Heated" - ensuring that winter short wearers look cool while their pockets stay hot.

‘Put your Beaver to work’

Beaver Beverage Company has a cheeky campaign to announce its presence in the business of canned water.

From its website:

This beaver comes from Beaver, Utah.

Located in the nether regions of Utah, high in the Tushar Mountains, is a mystical place where a natural spring flows freely down deep crevices and finally gushing forth to produce some of the tastiest dam water you've ever put in your mouth.

And these:

And to balance some of the irreverent humour, there is this:

Link to campaign video

Trashing FIFA

Kitchen brand Vipp uses its iconic pedal bin to take aim at FIFA and its current president.

Abusive Phone Calls: How Much is Too Much?

According to news reports out of Japan, a 67-year old man made 2060 calls to his local police headquarters over a period of 9 days, solely for the purpose of hurling abuses, before he was finally arrested last week. 

To quote from one report:

Police in Kawaguchi, Saitama Prefecture, have arrested a 67-year-old man on suspicion of fraudulent obstruction of business by making nuisance calls to the prefectural police headquarters.

Police said, Yoshio Shimada, who was arrested on Monday, has admitted to the allegation, Kyodo News reported. Police said Shimada used his cell phone to make 2,060 nuisance calls to Saitama prefectural police headquarters from 11:15 a.m. on Sept 30 to 8:30 a.m. on Oct 8.

He verbally abused officers with comments such as “you are taxpayer thieves,” “you’re fired,” and “you’re big old idiots.” The total time spent on the phone calls is said to have exceeded 27 hours.

While it isn’t clear what took the police well over a month to make the arrest or if there were any challenges in tracking the calls, the report offers this rather intriguing bit of information:

According to police, Shimada made nuisance calls to the prefectural police headquarters several years ago, which made him a leading suspect this time. Police arrested him after checking his cell phone.

‘Most Wanted’ Omission

Last Monday, the sheriff’s office in Rockdale County in Georgia, USA, put out a Facebook post with its ‘most wanted’ list for the month.  That announcement led to this notable exchange in the comments section:

Christopher Spaulding: How about me

Rockdale County Sheriff’s Office: Christopher Spaulding you are correct you have two warrants, we are on the way.

On Thursday, the sheriff’s office posted this update, a part of which was directed at Mr. Spaulding.

We appreciate you for your assistance in your capture!

Special thanks to our Fugitive Unit for being active and efficiently apprehending Mr. Spaulding who has 2 warrants for Felony Violation of Probation.

Our Top 10 is compiled based off of the severity of the charges only. By not being on this list does not mean our Fugitive Unit is not looking for you if you have an active warrant.

If you have any information or would like to know if you have a warrant please contact Investigator Dunn at 770-278-8183 or SOFugitive@rockdalecountyga.gov

Fried Chicken dipped in Milkshake

Excerpts from a SoraNews24 report around a tweet posted by Japan-based fast food chain MOS Burger:

Mos Burger is recommending everyone “dive” their Mos chicken into the chain’s vanilla shake. They say it’s “a supreme match”, so we immediately headed out to try it.

Normally, we’d feel self-conscious about dunking anything other than a straw into a milkshake while dining at Mos Burger, but seeing as the chain’s official tweet about it has since gone viral with over 42,000 likes, we figured staff would’ve gotten used to seeing customers playing with this combination by now.

So how did it taste? Well, the vanilla shake acted like a sweet dipping sauce, and it didn’t taste bad with the chicken at all. We could see what they were going for, with the sweetness of the milkshake making a nice counterpart to the saltiness of the fried chicken, but that wasn’t the only thing that was striking about it — the contrast between hot and cold was a nice surprise, as it helped to melt the shake, adding a smooth, creamy layer to the fried exterior.

We’re not sure if we’d go so far as to call this a “supreme match”, though. After trying the two together, we thought about whether we would continue to dunk chicken into our milkshakes from now on, and the answer was, sadly, no.

Wanted: Director of Rodent Mitigation

Excerpts from a job listing posted by the New York City mayor’s office:

Do you have what it takes to do the impossible? A virulent vehemence for vermin? A background in urban planning, project management, or government? And most importantly, the drive, determination and killer instinct needed to fight the real enemy– New York City’s relentless rat population?

If so, your dream job awaits: New York’s Citywide Director of Rodent Mitigation.

Despite their successful public engagement strategy and cheeky social media presence, rats are not our friends – they are enemies that must be vanquished by the combined forces of our city government.

Cunning, voracious, and prolific, New York City’s rats are legendary for their survival skills, but they don’t run this city – we do.

The ideal candidate is highly motivated and somewhat bloodthirsty…

Successful candidates must be highly organized, able to burrow into the depths of city government…

As leader of the “Rat Pack,” you will work with your colleagues from across city government, traveling throughout the five burrows…

Parents oppose baby’s life-saving surgery over vaccinated blood

To quote from a report in The Guardian:

New Zealand’s health service has made a court application over the guardianship of a four-month-old baby whose parents are refusing to allow his life-saving heart surgery to go ahead unless non-vaccinated blood is used.

The parents of the baby discussed their son’s health situation and their medical preferences in an interview with an anti-vaccination campaigner.

In the interview the parents say their baby has severe pulmonary valve stenosis, and that he needs surgery “almost immediately”, but that they are “extremely concerned with the blood [the doctors] are going to use”.

“We don’t want blood that is tainted by vaccination,” the father said. “That’s the end of the deal – we are fine with anything else these doctors want to do.”