Fruit Forgiveness

A tongue-in-cheek campaign in the form of an open letter to “whom it may concern” (read: the Pope) that was put out, no less, in the Pope’s preferred newspaper. 

Some excerpts:

To Whom It May Concern

At Dole Sunshine Company, International Fruit Day is a time for solemn reflection. This has prompted something of a revelation. That is why, with the greatest respect to your hallowed office, we think the time has finally come to address the elephant that’s been in the room for thousands of years. The most catastrophic PR disaster that fruit has ever faced: the calamity of Original Sin. As one of the largest fruit providers in the world, we hope to  redeem its reputation in the eyes of your 1.2 billion discerning followers. For too long, fruit has been  made the scapegoat for humanity’s most heinous crime, from the pulpit to the playground. For too long, fruit has been vilified and demonised; it has been maligned in art and literature, symbolising lust, temptation and depravity, in all its vile and wicked forms. This is a travesty of justice, that only you have the power, wisdom and authority to finally rectify.

Far from being the source of Original Sin and the root of all evil in the world, we prefer to think of fruit as the Original Snack, offering pleasure, nutrition and sustenance to the world at large. In an  age of more sinful high-cal, low-fibre indulgences, like doughnuts, nachos, curly fries and other aberrations, we think it's time to celebrate the humble apple, the noble banana, the majestic kumquat.  Let us not forget that fruit was the only thing on the menu in the Garden of Eden, so Our Lord and  Maker must surely have been a fruitarian Himself.

We humbly ask for the absolution that only you can offer.  A tiny change that can change the world. Would you consider amending the Bible? Just a tiny word. Replacing ‘fruit’ for any other unhealthy food, for instance? Just an idea. If that request sounds a bit too ambitious, no worries. We get it. Maybe then a message of support would go a long way to restoring the world’s faith in our beloved fruits. Today, more than ever, no fruit should be forbidden.