Wanted: Director of Rodent Mitigation

Excerpts from a job listing posted by the New York City mayor’s office:

Do you have what it takes to do the impossible? A virulent vehemence for vermin? A background in urban planning, project management, or government? And most importantly, the drive, determination and killer instinct needed to fight the real enemy– New York City’s relentless rat population?

If so, your dream job awaits: New York’s Citywide Director of Rodent Mitigation.

Despite their successful public engagement strategy and cheeky social media presence, rats are not our friends – they are enemies that must be vanquished by the combined forces of our city government.

Cunning, voracious, and prolific, New York City’s rats are legendary for their survival skills, but they don’t run this city – we do.

The ideal candidate is highly motivated and somewhat bloodthirsty…

Successful candidates must be highly organized, able to burrow into the depths of city government…

As leader of the “Rat Pack,” you will work with your colleagues from across city government, traveling throughout the five burrows…