Penile Misadventures of the Year

A short selection from the latest annual listing of “the finest groin destruction achieved in America”, compiled verbatim from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, by that peerless chronicler of human misfortune, Barry Petchesky.

Watching football, got excited when team scored and accidentally punched self in penis

Playing with pocketknife and accidentally stabbed penis

Was unloading his dishwasher without any clothing on and he has a penis ring and the penis ring caught on the door of the dishwasher and it forcefully removed from his penis

Intoxicated and thought was applying sexual stimulant to scrotum and instead applied toilet bowl cleaner

Stuck two magnets on his foreskin unable to remove

Was walking out of his bedroom and not watching where he was going, leading to him pinching his penis between the door and his leg

Playing with a toy dinosaur and made it bite his penis

Also worth checking out is his latest listing of foreign bodies found lodged in various orifices, that needed medical attention to be retrieved.