‘War of words and farting’

Excerpts from a hilarious piece of reporting by Page Six, that deserves to be read in full:

Page Six regrets to report that a press dinner to boost Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s presidential campaign descended into a foul bout of screaming and polemic farting Tuesday night.

The gaseous exchange — to which Page Six bore reluctant witness — began after a guest asked Kennedy, founder of the ecological organization Waterkeeper Alliance, about the environment.

And it seems that the mere inquiry was enough to set off apparently drunk gossip columnist-turned-flack Doug Dechert, the host of the event, who became enraged and screamed at the top of his lungs: “The climate hoax!”

Meanwhile, octogenarian art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, who appeared to have been sleeping happily for most of the dinner, was roused by the abrupt rumpus.

He suddenly opened his eyes and denounced his longtime pal Dechert, calling him a “miserable blob.”

Dechert continued to scream wildly about the climate change “scam” while Haden-Guest peppered him with verbal volleys from across the table, calling him variously “f–king insane” and “insignificant.”

Here, it seems, Dechert sensed the need for a new rhetorical tack, and let rip a loud, prolonged fart while yelling, as if to underscore his point, “I’m farting!”

When asked to comment about his, er, outburst the next day, Dechert told us: “I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence.”

(He also asked us to refer to him either as a “gallivanting boulevardier” or a “beer-fueled sex rocket.”)