‘Raccoon goes on drunken rampage’

That’s from an AP News report headline.  To quote from that report:

The masked burglar broke into the closed Virginia liquor store early on Saturday and hit the bottom shelf, where the scotch and whisky were stored. The bandit was something of a nocturnal menace: bottles were smashed, a ceiling tile collapsed and alcohol pooled on the floor.

The suspect acted like an animal because, in fact, he’s a raccoon.

On Saturday morning, an employee at the Ashland, Virginia-area liquor store found the trash panda passed out on the bathroom floor at the end of his drunken escapade.

“I personally like raccoons,” said Samantha Martin, an officer who works at the local animal control. “They are funny little critters. He fell through one of the ceiling tiles and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking everything.”

Also this:

The Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter commended Martin for handling the break-in, and confirmed the raccoon had sobered up.

“After a few hours of sleep and zero signs of injury (other than maybe a hangover and poor life choices), he was safely released back to the wild, hopefully having learned that breaking and entering is not the answer,” the agency said.