Penile misadventures in 2025

A short selection from Barry Petchesky’s latest annual listing, compiled from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits.

Bit by a spider on the tip of his penis.

Accidentally poked his penis while cleaning penis with a toothpick.

Put his penis in one of the holes in a shopping cart. Lacerations to penis.

Placed a plastic tea bottle neck around his penis around 10pm this evening at the instruction of his girlfriend and is not able to remove.

Was trying on a halloween costume and there was a string irritating his penis in the costume so he took scissors to cut the string and accidentally cut his penis.

Had eaten mushrooms, began to experience the hallucinations. He removed clothes, rolled around in vegetation, walked up to nature center nude. He broke through the glass with his forehead. After he exited the nature center he crushed his penis in between “a rock and a hard place.”