What plant-based foods may cause

The Plant Based Foods Association has released a 10,000 word leaflet about all the “epic benefits” that consuming plant-based foods may cause that starts with this ‘advice’:

If you’re not grinning from ear to ear after three days of trying all the exciting new plant-based flavors, you should definitely chat with a Plant-Based Food Provider (PBFP).

The product is intended for extended-term use only. You can take the lowest effective bite size for the shortest time necessary at first, but buckle in because once you get a taste you’ll be obsessed with plant-based for life, and your kids will be obsessed with plant-based, and your kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids kids will be obsessed with plant-based, and so on until forever.

You should not consume plant-based for longer than 3 days without thanking your Plant-Based Food Provider (PBFP).

If symptoms of food boredom improve rapidly consult your Plant-Based Food Provider (PBFP) immediately. Or, if you begin to experience symptoms so amazing they cause your mind to be blown, consult your Plant-Based Food Provider (PBFP) immediately and tell them how amazing they are.

And here’s a short selection of the ‘symptoms’:

An unforgettable awakening of senses you didn’t even know you had.

A rush of joy exploding through your body with every bite.

Trouble enjoying alone time with your plant-based food, as everyone you’re around will want a bite of your food.

Your delivery person wanting to become your best friend and stay at your house forever because you have so many good plant-based food options.

Children are at increased risk of being extremely excited by plant-based foods because they usually don’t even know it’s plant-based and just love the taste.

In general, the habitual use of several sorts of plant-based food can lead to amazing, lasting advantages such as realizing that life itself is just one big grocery store full of experiences to pick off the shelves and that the best ones are plant-based meats, cheeses, milk, spreads, and obviously your favorite appetizers.

As part of the campaign, there’s  also a pharma-style commercial.