A philosophical take on marriage… by a court
Excerpts from a judgement by a court in India:
Marriage is the unification of minds and hearts of two individuals. Every marriage begins with the hope of leading a peaceful and harmonious matrimonial life. Marriage is a relationship that thrives on trust, respect, understanding, and the willingness of two individuals to place the welfare of the family above their individual egos and its sustainability and solemnity lies in the countless acts of patience, forgiveness, tolerance and companionship.
Every matrimonial relationship is tested by differences. Such differences are natural because no two individuals think alike or react alike. It is often said that a happy marriage is not one where differences never arise, but one where differences never become more important than the relationship itself. The true strength of a marriage lies in the ability of the spouses to bridge those differences with empathy rather than allowing them to widen into irreconcilable distances. Misunderstandings are but passing clouds; if approached with patience and compassion, they soon disperse.
However, in the present age, the relentless and unnecessary tendency to multiply one’s wants has often transformed homes into arenas of competing egos. Mahatma Gandhiji’s timeless reminder that “it is sinful to multiply one’s wants unnecessarily” is not merely an economic ethic but a marital philosophy. Unbridled and unchecked desire breeds possessiveness; possessiveness nourishes ego; and ego, like an invisible termite, silently consumes the very foundations of conjugal happiness by eroding mutual trust, affection, and understanding, ultimately giving way to discord, matrimonial litigation, and the painful disintegration of the marital bond. Here again, it is relevant to note the Mahatma’s further reflection, that “When the ego dies, the soul awakens. When the soul awakens, all sorrow vanishes.” carries profound relevance to matrimonial jurisprudence. Ego is the silent adversary of matrimony. Ego is the unseen adversary of every happy home. When ego is allowed to eclipse reason, even the brightest relationship is plunged into darkness. Marriage is sustained not by the infallibility of the spouses but by their readiness to forgive, to understand, and to conquer the ego that silently destroys the sanctity of the marital bond. It enters unnoticed, speaks in the language of self-righteousness, and departs only after leaving behind the ruins of mutual confidence. Unfortunately, many spouses fail to set aside their egos and embrace the spirit of mutual accommodation that is indispensable for a successful marriage. As a result, serenity of mind and peace of heart disappear, and the matrimonial relationship gradually deteriorates.
Matrimonial litigation is seldom about one decisive incident; more often, it is the cumulative effect of unresolved grievances and wounded egos that gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship. The Court is, therefore, reminded that matrimonial adjudication is not an exercise in measuring the faults of one spouse against the virtues of the other. The law does not compel love, nor can a decree manufacture affection. Therefore, the court can adjudicate rights and obligations, but it cannot restore the warmth and affection that only the parties themselves can nurture. When they do not possess the alchemy to rekindle hearts estranged by distrust, this court has no power even to hold the relationship has suffered an irretrievable erosion of trust and companionship, making the continuance of the legal tie a mere shell without its living substance.
The real architect of marital peace is the willingness of each spouse to subordinate the “I” in favour of the “We”. “Ego and love cannot exist together” At this juncture, it is apposite to recall the golden words of Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam: ”When nails grow long, we cut the nails, not the fingers”. Likewise, when misunderstandings grow, cut the ego, not the relationship. Matrimonial litigation is a battlefield where egos seek conquest. A spouse who insists on victory in every disagreement may eventually discover that the triumph has come at the cost of the marriage itself. In domestic life, the noblest victories are those in which both parties willingly surrender a part of themselves to preserve the whole. Unfortunately, when ego takes the place of empathy, every disagreement becomes a battle to be won rather than a problem to be resolved, and spouses become prisoners of their own pride. Communication ceases, misunderstandings multiply, and affection slowly gives way to bitterness. Where ego enthrones itself, love abdicates; where sacrifice enters, serenity follows. In those few words lies the enduring philosophy of matrimonial harmony. Regrettably, the parties before this Court failed to imbibe this elementary truth. Their relationship, instead of being rescued by understanding, became a casualty of unyielding egos. The inevitable consequence is that this litigation has reached its judicial terminus, leaving behind a solemn reminder that, where understanding departs, even the law stands powerless to preserve the marriage.