Columbia’s Death Wishes jacket
Columbia Sportswear has come up with a limited-edition jacket that carries a cheekily worded ‘Last Will and Outerwear Testament’ stitched into the lining. Some excerpts:
This jacket, fleece-lined and suspiciously indestructible, has weathered more storms than I have made bad decisions. It's kept me warm through blizzards, sideways sleet, and one very poor choice involving night skiing. It's been my shield, my second skin, and once, my pillow in a poorly planned camping situation.
Now it's time for it to carry on without me.
To the new owner: may you wear it well, and continue to repel storms, carry your trail mix, and survive your bad decisions as it once did mine.
Please remember: the jacket is waterproof, but it's not idiot-proof. If you end up in a snowbank, that's on you.
As part of this solemn transfer, you must speak of my ski skills only in vague, heroic terms - "they had style" will suffice. This is not just outerwear. It's a legacy. It's weathered storms, witnessed wipeouts, and survived après-ski decisions that should've been fatal. Treat it with the reverence it absolutely demands.
Do not dry clean. Do not dishonor me.
