Man breaks into house… to avoid facing wife at home

The incident aside, it is the little details of what happened, as well as the manner in which it was reported by the Polk County Sheriff’s office (PCSO) in Florida, that make it very noteworthy:

The following story is kind of like a Polk County version of “Goldilocks and the 3 Bears,” but since there aren’t too many bears in Polk County, we’re just going to work around that in our own way. So, bear with us.

Our story begins at a residence bearing north of the city of Davenport.

The homeowner wasn’t going to be around for a while, so he asked his neighbor to bear the responsibility of watching over the house. That neighbor did a fantastic job too.

One night, the neighbor saw lights going on and off within the house, so he called the homeowner, who in turn contacted the PCSO.

Do you think the deputies found someone inside the house? Well, does a bear sit in the woods?

Deputies went to the residence and found Joe inside, cooking, and he had just finished filling the tub for a bath. We assume the bath temperature was not too hot, nor too cold, but juuuuust right.

Joe identified himself, and admitted that not only did he not have permission to be there, he also had no idea who owned the house.

Joe told deputies that he had gotten in a fight with his wife, and he didn’t want to go home, so he chose to burgle someone else’s home instead. It’s one of those things where you just have to grin and bear it.

There… we made it through the story and you barely even noticed the lack of bears.

Auto-corrected drug

An excerpt from a social media post by the Polk County Sheriff’s office in Florida, of a recent arrest:

[The suspect] was found to be in possession of marijuana and a drug called methylprednisolone which requires a prescription and auto-correct just to be able to spell it correctly.

‘Watering’ the weeds

An excerpt from another amusing social media post by the Polk County Sheriff’s office (PCSO) in Florida, of a recent arrest:

The PCSO night shift was just underway, and nobody ever knows what the night holds for them. Especially when there’s a full moon. IYKYK.

Deputy Ford was on patrol in Lakeland near Ariana Street and Plateau Avenue.

That’s when he saw Doug… a man on the go. Or rather, a man who really had to go.

Doug was on the road, watering the weeds without a watering can. His pants were half-down. Unless you’re more of an optimist, then his pants were half-up.

Doug saw Deputy Ford, and Deputy Ford saw more of Doug than he cared to see.

PS: Alongside the report, there’s a comic book style illustration of the crime scene that’s worth checking out