Hand Grenade Dog Waste Dispenser

This came to my attention thanks to a news report out of Oregon, earlier this month.  To quote:

A suspected hand grenade that briefly caused a stir at Patton Middle School in McMinnville on Monday was actually a plastic bag dispenser for cleaning up dog poop, police said.

“All the students were secured inside the school by middle school staff during the ensuing investigation,” McMinnville PD said. “After immediately securing the area, officers started communicating with Oregon State Police Bomb Squad personnel.”

After taking close-up photos of the suspected grenade with the department’s drone, officers confirmed that there wasn’t any danger.

“After reviewing the photographs, the item was determined to be a dog waste bag dispenser that is manufactured to resemble a hand grenade,” McMinnville PD said.

So why have a dog poop bag dispenser that looks like a grenade?

To quote from the Amazon page (where it is listed as a “Tactical Poop Bag Holder”):

This fake grenade will complete the bad dog look for any good dogs on a walk and ready for duty when the bombs come.

To quote from the website of the manufacturer:

We were tired of seeing the same ol’ thing every time we went to pet stores and saw what was available on the open market. So we decided to make something we wanted to carry, and why not carry something cool? If you have to carry something around to pick up dog poop, it might as well be fun to carry. The reactions we get carrying ours around are priceless! Not for the shy or faint of heart! It will draw attention!

Threesome Threat

As reported on Law and Crime website:

A 38-year-old woman in Florida was arrested last week for allegedly threatening to kill her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend if the couple did not have a threesome with her.

The Christmas Conversion Choir

From Sweden: Škoda finds a witty and unique way to ask owners of other car models to consider making a switch.

Link to video

What poop in a hotel bathtub might imply

The media is abuzz with the news of Yan Chenglong, the winner of this year’s Xiangqi or Chinese chess tournament, being stripped of his title and banned for a year after it came to light that he had defecated in a hotel bath tub. What hasn’t got as much attention is, firstly, how exactly did this act come to light?  Secondly, what did the player have to say in his defence? Thirdly, what were the precise grounds/ formal charges that led to the title-stripping and the ban? 

According to a report in Global Times, after Yan checked out of the hotel, “a hotel employee found the bathtub in Yan’s hotel room was contaminated with excrement.” 

The report goes on to quote another agency on Yan’s response:

On Tuesday, Yan responded to the incident that he felt uncomfortable after drinking on December 17 and suffered from diarrhea. He failed to make it to the toilet in time and couldn’t help but defecating in the bathtub.

And this is what the Chinese Xiangqi Association has been quoted as saying about the incident:

Yan consumed alcohol with others in his room on the night of the 17th, and then he defecated in the bathtub of the room he was staying in on the 18th, in an act that damaged hotel property, violated public order and good morals, had a negative impact on the competition and the event of Xiangqi, and was of extremely bad character.

Prime Shift

From India: the Chief Minister of the central state of Madhya Pradesh is being quoted as saying that his government will work to “correct the time of the world” and prove that the “global Prime Meridien” was the one passing through the ancient city of Ujjain in his state. 

Link to news report

Vinnie Jones is Santa’s Enforcer

You don’t have to be a gamer to enjoy this 5 minute spot for World of Tanks Holiday Ops.

Link to video

Artistic Home Delivery

From Norway: McDonald’s transforms its paper bag into a work of art, appropriate for home delivery.

Guinness Foot Pints

Guinness is offering limited-edition winter boots that make pint-shaped marks in the snow.  To quote:

The boots (created by ad agency AMV BBDO) have all the key features of a snug winter boot and all the aesthetic likeness of a perfectly poured pint of Guinness. But like any good Christmas tale it’s what inside, or rather underneath, that really counts.

With a sole shaped so as to leave perfectly pint shaped foot prints, hence ‘foot pints’, you can be sure to leave your mark whichever pub you decide to drink Guinness in this Christmas.

Link to video

Burger King’s Hangover Discount

From Brazil: Burger King is offering a year-end discount that is linked  to the extent of your hangover, as determined by facial recognition technology that it has employed.  To quote:

Anyone who wants help to combat their hangover the next day will be able to receive exclusive discounts on famous sandwiches of brand: the Whopper Jr. Double, Whopper and Whopper Double. Through the brand's app, the consumer will be directed to a website where it will be possible to use facial recognition technology to receive discounts based on their hungover face.

Link to video

Unprotected sex likely to spike in the holidays: Study

What is it about sex in the festive season that has researchers interested?  On the heels of what was cited in yesterday’s post, we now have a study in the Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal that comes up with this conclusion:

Increased sales of emergency contraception following the New Year’s holiday suggest that this period is associated with increased risks of unprotected vaginal intercourse compared with other holidays.

‘Penile fractures: the price of a merry Christmas’

That’s the quaintly-worded title of a study out of Germany that was published in this month’s British Journal of Urology.  In fact, the text of the study is sprinkled with a instances of attempts to be humorous, even at the risk of being nonsensical. 

From the introduction:

In Germany, Christmas is widely celebrated. ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year, there is always much mistletoeing, and hearts are glowing, when loved ones are near’. In other words, Christmas might be a risk factor for penile fractures due to the ‘Christmas spirit’ related to the intimacy and euphoria of these holly jolly days. Besides, how can you celebrate Christmas without children?

Consider also this observation and comment:

Interestingly, the New Year’s Eve period was not associated with increased risk of penile fractures. The latter might be attributed to the fact that New Year’s Eve is not so widely celebrated in Germany. Besides, the Christmas markets close and the Christmas decorations are removed.

And this is the disclosure about the authors of the study:

None of the authors has actively contributed to these data by experiencing a penile fracture. The authors have only participated in the drafting, writing, and editing of the manuscript. This year all authors promise to do nothing special.

When the cops want to thank you… and arrest you

A short while ago, the police department of Commerce City in Colorado posted a video of a woman stealing a vehicle, along with this explanation:

We've had a lot of requests for this video... and we weren't sure it existed. Until today.

We don't know whether to thank her or arrest her-- probably both.

But during the commission of an armed robbery at a check cashing business Saturday, the three criminals responsible seemed to forget the importance of securing their getaway vehicle. Therefore a fourth criminal seized the opportunity to do what criminals do-- steal what was very likely already a stolen vehicle.

Bested by an industry colleague. It happens to everyone, boys. Because the female car thief took their ride, the armed suspects were forced to flee on foot... and we caught two of them (juvenile males)... and two of their guns.

So ma'am-- whoever you are-- we'd like to shake your hand. Then slap a pair of handcuffs on it because you're also facing Motor Vehicle Theft charges.

If you have any information about the robbery or the car theft, please contact Detective Garcia: 303-227-7147.

Now let's make this thing go viral.

Lucky in Love

This year’s year-end commercial for the Dutch State lottery is as delightful as one might expect.

Link to video

Give a name to something ‘iconically Canadian’

To quote from a press release from Expedia, last week:

Expedia, Destination Canada and Canadian Chef Matty Matheson Invite Americans to Become a Part of Canadian Culture, Literally

On December 14, the First Travelers to Book on YesYouCanada.com Get to Name Something Iconically Canadian

The very diverse list of things that could be christened included:

• A resident moose at the Yukon Wildlife Preserve in the Yukon
• A polar bear at Churchill Wildlife Management Area in Churchill, Manitoba
• A train seat on the Rocky Mountaineer that crosses the Canadian Rockies
• A golf cart at a golf course in Alberta
• A storm-watching hot tub at a resort on Vancouver Island
• A bar stool at hotel in Banff, Alberta
• A pond hockey team in Saskatchewan
• A potato field on Prince Edward Island

Aldi store adds rooftop parking space for Santa

To quote from the press release:

Christmas shoppers in Manchester were given a surprise this morning as they spotted a giant sleigh parking space installed on top of a local Aldi store.

The freshly installed parking space sports a sleigh-shaped print, and has enough space reserved for the nine trusty reindeers that pull Santa’s sleigh.

Painted in bright yellow, to safely guide Santa to land from the sky in the dead of night, the eye-catching installation measures 11 metres in length and six metres in width. Special spaces are marked out for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph.

Nacho Cheese Distilled Spirit

As announced by Doritos on Tuesday :

Doritos today unveiled a collaboration with global flavor innovator Empirical: Empirical x Doritos® Nacho Cheese Spirit. This limited-release offers a multi-sensorial, savory nacho cheese-imbued beverage experience that smells and tastes just like the real thing – bringing the iconic flavor of Doritos Nacho Cheese Chips into the spirits aisle.

And this from the product page on the Empirical website:

Together, Doritos and Empirical took one of the most iconic flavors in the world and imbued it into a completely new sensory experience.

The result is as crazy as it sounds - this rare and limited alliance between Empirical and Doritos Nacho Cheese offers an unexpected delicious experience that brings a moment of WTF!? to anyone who tries it.

Vending machine dispenses free beer to skilled guitarists

From New Zealand: Wellington-based brewery Panhead Custom Ales has developed a beer vending machine that is controlled by the guitar-playing skills of the user.  To quote from one report:

Filled to the brim with a selection of Panhead Custom ales like their Supercharger APA, Quickchange XPA and Port Road Pilsner, the only way to ‘pay’ for a cold one is by adequately slaying a guitar riff.

Equipped with a fully-custom Explorer guitar, sub and beer tap guitar stand, the ‘Slay to Pay’ vending machine uses the power of AI audio fingerprinting to rate people’s guitar skills in real-time, and distributes a beer to those it deems worthy.

Link to video

The No Man

Episode 2 of Coca Cola’s Santa Stories: a heartwarming short, directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, and starring Colm Meaney.

Link to video

Thieves argue for leniency because items were on sale

Excerpts from a news report out of Colorado:

Two men convicted of felony theft for stealing more than $2,000 worth of merchandise from a Parker Kohl’s store argued in court for a lesser charge because the items were on sale and they had coupons, according to the 18th Judicial District.

At trial, defense attorneys suggested to a jury that their clients should only face a lesser misdemeanor charge because some of the items they stole were being offered “on sale.”

In Colorado, theft under $2,000 is a misdemeanor offense. But the documented value of the items stolen was $2,094.98, making it a felony.

The two men were asking the jury to take into account Kohl’s coupons and discounts which would bring the theft case down to a misdemeanor.

‘Prominent, wobbling bulge’ in pants leads to man’s arrest

No, it wasn’t what you might think. 

To quote from a news report:

A Taiwanese man is facing charges after being caught smuggling live animals in his pants at Suvarnabhumi Airport (BKK) in Bangkok last week. Authorities discovered three animals – two otters and a prairie dog taped under the traveler's boxer shorts after security guards became suspicious of a prominent, wobbling bulge below his waist.

Ho Ho Heist

The first of Coca Cola’s Santa Stories: a 14 minute short starring Octavia Spencer and Scoot McNairy. As one reviewer put it, it’s “hugely enjoyable wholesome hokum”.

Link to video

Defence for Inappropriate Touching

Excerpts from a news report out of India, about a man detained for allegedly groping a woman on a metro train:

After the woman screamed, two security personnel swiftly grabbed the man, who was later turned over to the police.

The man claimed that he did not intend to touch the woman, but accidentally did so while attempting to pickpocket.

RIP Ryan O’Neal

The Driver (1978)
   - ‘How do we know you’re that good?’

HP printers are ‘made to be less hated’

That’s according to a new campaign from the company, that is well summed up by a piece in Ars Technica:

HP knows people have grown to hate printers. It even knows that people hate HP printers. But based on a new marketing campaign the company launched, HP is OK with that—so long as it can convince people that there are worse options out there.

The marketing campaign hitting parts of Europe aims to present HP as real and empathetic. The tagline "Made to be less hated" seems to acknowledge people's frustration with printers. But HP's a top proponent of the exact sort of money-grabbing, disruptive practices that have turned people against printers.

What is HP’s defence?  To quote one of the creative people behind the campaign:

Based on the insight that printer-rage is a universally shared experience, the “Made to be less hated” campaign stays true to the insight… …we don’t promise that you’ll love it, but you won’t hate it as much as your previous printer.

These are a few reactions on a Reddit post that caught my attention:

Probably less hated than the printers from the late 90s/early 2000s that were able to smell your fear and decided to stop working whenever you needed them the most.

You know you have failed as a company when you have to make an ad saying you are designing your stuff to be less hated.

Who doesn't love the shit-ton of bloatware that installs with their print drivers? It's even better when they remove the support web sites so the bloatware crashes.

Made to be avoided would be more accurate.

Here are links to a couple of sites that have posted the campaign videos:

   -Marketing Communication News
   -Ads of Brands

Pigeon hit-and-run

To quote from an AFP report:

A Tokyo taxi driver was arrested for deliberately driving into a flock of pigeons and killing one, police in Japan said on Tuesday, reportedly because he was angry that the birds were on the road.

Atsushi Ozawa, 50, “used his car to kill a common pigeon, which is not a game animal”, in the Japanese capital last month, and was arrested on Sunday for violating wildlife protection laws, said a Tokyo police spokesman.

Ozawa sped off from a traffic light when it turned green, ploughing his taxi into the bevy of birds at a speed of 60km (37 miles) per hour, local media said.

The sound of the engine reportedly prompted a surprised passer-by to report the incident.

Tokyo police had a veterinarian perform a postmortem on the hapless pigeon and determined its cause of death as traumatic shock, according to local media.

“Roads belong to humans, so pigeons should have dodged out of the way,” Ozawa was quoted by local media as telling investigators.

Olivia Colman is Oblivia Coalmine

She plays a slick, latex-clad oil exec in a spot that takes aim at pension fund flows to the fossil fuel industry.

Link to video

Family beyond means

From a news report out of India about a social media influencer who was arrested for running a series of con schemes:

A Class 6 dropout, [the accused] told the police that he took to crime as he had to feed two wives, nine children and six girlfriends.

KFC chicken that tastes best with booze

To quote from a SoraNews24 report:

KFC Japan is launching its new Ninniku Crispy, which is specifically seasoned to taste great when eaten with beer and other alcoholic drinks. The Ninniku Crispy is based on the chain’s Colonel’s Crispy recipe, but with extra garlic (ninniku in Japanese) and soy sauce flavoring, and is finished with an additional coating of garlic-flavor oil sauce. The resulting flavor, KFC says, makes an excellent pairing with alcoholic beverages, and they’re launching it now as Japan enters the season for end-of-the-year parties, which in Japan tend to involve at least a moderate amount of stiff drinks.

Dog revealed as perpetrator of tyre punctures

To quote from a report out of Italy:

A dog named Billy has been revealed as the perpetrator of tyre punctures in a Molise village in recent months which had spurred rumours of rows between neighbours or even mafia-style intimidation.

Police installed surveillance cameras amid the wave of acts of tyre vandalism which had roiled Vastogirardi, a village of 600 souls near Isernia.

They caught Billy in the act of gnarling several cars' tyres.

Vets said the dog's behaviour could be put down to a severe case of gingivitis which made him bite the tyres to relieve the pain he was suffering.

‘Pee’rless Reporting

Excerpts from a news report on the website of The Baltimore Banner:

A steady stream of pee is eroding Baltimore’s historic buildings

Many of downtown Baltimore’s buildings are slowly being washed away. The problem is less flooding and rain, more golden showers.

That’s right, pee is eroding thousands of historic buildings downtown, the exterior bases corroding with every spurt.

Like a yellow Sharpie, it’s highlighting long-standing tensions in Baltimore: the decline of a once bustling city center, dwindling public spaces and the enduring needs of the local homeless population.

The block of North Howard between Lexington and Saratoga street is, in many ways, a pee epicenter.

Many of these older buildings were built with soft brick and mortar, according to city planner Caitlin Audette, who is consulting with Downtown Partnership on the public bathroom project. These buildings are more susceptible to damage from outside elements like water and, obviously, pee, which can degrade the soft material over time, “especially if it’s a constant exposure.”

“It doesn’t even matter what time it is. Every day and night,” said local business owner Mohammed Kabir. “It’s relentless.”

He operates a convenience store at the corner of North Howard and Clay streets, a narrow alley with few cars and little foot traffic.

Kabir has only been working at this location for the past six months, where, in an attempt to ward off the stench, he’s developed a daily routine of disinfecting and scrubbing the building’s bricks, which have started to crack and crumble.

Kabir also put security cameras outside his store, hoping they’d deter urinary culprits — to no avail. One man even came into the store to ask Kabir why he mounted the cameras.

“For our safety,” Kabir said.

“No, we pee here,” the man responded.

Also from the report, this notable observation:

Baltimore is not alone. For as long as people have made buildings, there have been people who peed on them.

Paraguay official sacked for signing agreement with fake country

Earlier this year, the mayor’s office of Newark admitted being scammed into hosting officials of a non-existent country —“United States of Kailasa”— and signing a ‘sister city’ partnership with them.  This week there is news of a Paraguay official being ousted after acknowledging a similar blunder.

Excerpts from a DW news report:

The chief of staff at Paraguay's Agriculture Ministry, Arnaldo Chamorro, was replaced this week after admitting he’d been conned into talks and signing a memorandum of understanding with representatives of a non-existent country.

Chamorro told reporters on Thursday that purported officials from the “United States of Kailasa” had told him the country was a South American island.

The memorandum signed by the two parties had envisaged the establishment of diplomatic relations between the two “countries.”

In the document, complete with the ministry's letterhead and official seal, Chamorro salutes “the honorable Nithyananda Paramashivam, sovereign of the United States of Kailasa” and praises his “contributions to Hinduism, humanity and the Republic of Paraguay.”

The memorandum also called for Paraguay to push for Kailasa's acceptance into “various international organizations, including the United Nations.”

The agriculture ministry in a statement lamented “procedural errors” committed and said the memorandum “cannot be considered official” nor could it confer any obligations on the state of Paraguay.