Florida cops searching for ‘Mr. Clean’ and ‘Ms. Dookie’

They’re wanted in connection with a Family Dollar store robbery, and those monikers are a reference to their choices and actions during the course of the robbery. To quote from a rather expressive news report:

Police in Polk County, Florida are looking for a man and a woman who stole around $500 worth of cleaning supplies from a Family Dollar store last month.  And it’s the EMPLOYEES who really needed those cleaning supplies.

Because, while the guy was collecting the cleaning supplies in a cart and wheeling them out . . . the woman distracted the staff by RELIEVING HERSELF right on the floor of the store.  (???)

There aren’t any details, thankfully, but the police are referring to them as “Mr. Clean and Ms. Dookie” . . . so it’s very possible that she went #2.

And this is how some of that was reported on the website of the sheriff’s office:

The suspects were a man and a woman, and they played different roles as they conspired in their retail theft. Very different roles.

The man walked around the store gathering nearly $500 worth of merchandise (like lots of Gain, Tide, and Clorox products) whilst the woman caused a distraction for employees by using the restroom...without going to the restroom. The floor was her restroom. And an employee had to clean that...stuff up.

We....kid you not.

Agreeable Advertising

UK’s Coventry Building Society has announced the completion of its acquisition of The Co-operative Bank with this outdoor campaign:

Now that Meta doesn’t fact check content…

As posted by Channel 4 on Threads:

Now that Meta doesn’t fact check content we can safely say that Channel 4 is the best TV channel in the world.

And then, this, three hours later:

Now that Meta doesn’t fact check content we can confirm that @itv is haunted and smells like mouldy biscuits.

Investigations done proper

The latest spot from Yorkshire Tea on doing things ‘proper’ features Sarah Lancashire solving a case of missing ‘bickies’.   Oh, and there’s this from the YouTube description:

Here at Yorkshire Tea, we do everything proper. Especially telly adverts.

Link to video

Life-altering taste

Meat alternative brand, This, has a  new spot, intended to persuade die-hard sceptics by “serving up a healthy portion of daft humour to chew on.”

Link to video

The joy of spotting the perfect doctor

A new campaign by digital health marketplace Zocdoc paints a picture of pleasure in looking through its listings.

   -Couples Therapy
   -Pink Eye
   -Siiiick

‘Internet Trolls Terrorize Welsh Village with Fake Aldi Listing’

Well, the actual news isn’t as intense as that headline may suggest, but it’s still odd enough (and creatively written) to merit a post.  To quote:

The quiet Welsh village of Cyffylliog in Denbighshire is the last place you’d expect to see a crowd of eager bargain-hunters—especially ones staring perplexedly at an empty field. But thanks to a prank on Google Maps, the tiny community has become an unlikely hotspot for confused tourists and delivery drivers, all searching for a mythical Aldi supermarket.

The debacle began when an unknown jokester placed a fake Aldi location in the heart of the village on Google Maps. Ever since, a steady stream of hopeful shoppers has been arriving, guided by their smartphones, only to find themselves standing in the middle of a grassy field, miles away from the nearest checkout lane.

The chaos reached new heights last week when a milk tanker, also misdirected by Google Maps, became stuck on a narrow village lane while attempting to locate the fictitious store. Residents were left with blocked roads for hours as the tanker had to be carefully maneuvered out, leaving locals both frustrated and incredulous.

“It’s one thing having tourists turn up looking for Aldi,” said longtime resident Dafydd Hughes. “But when you’ve got a lorry full of milk clogging up the road, you start to question what’s happening in the world.”

Arrested for publicly yelling profanities… while sporting sex toy

Actually, there’s more to that and, for some reason, the news writers behind this report out of Connecticut, opted for a rather dense headline.

What’s more, the report went into quite some detail on the man’s motive and history of similar and comparable incidents.  To quote:

It was reported that he had done the same thing a week prior.

Police say that [he] was trying to recreate a German helmet that his grandfather wore during World War II.

Police also say that they were called to [his] home nine times between September 2024 and November 2024 for numerous incidents, including him riding his bicycle while naked with a cowboy hat on and retrieving items from his neighbor’s yard while naked.

Alcohol-free Snacks

“Sorry, but snacks have never had any alcohol.”

“Neither have they been advertised like this in January.”

That exchange is at the heart of a hilarious new spot for Walkers crisps, that takes its inspiration from Dry January.

Link to video

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Divorce sought as ‘wife talks too much’

Excerpts from a news report out of India:

A man has sought divorce from his wife on the grounds that she talks too much.

The man who hails from Bhopal works in a private firm whereas his wife runs a beauty parlour. Everything was normal and their marriage life was going smoothly. The man and his family members however, felt that the woman talked too much, which they disliked. 

The man also complained that she gave her opinion without asking. And due to this, the disputes started between the two. 

Tale of a ‘dazed and confused’ failed robber

To quote from a police report out of Ontario, Canada:

On December 18, 2024 at 12:30 p.m. Hamilton Police responded to BMO bank located at 375 Upper Paradise Road for a robbery.

Investigators learned a lone, male suspect arrived at the financial institution on a bicycle, leaving the bike outside by the building. Entering the business, the suspect approached a bank teller, passed a note demanding cash and verbally threatened the employee while motioning they were in possession of a weapon. The suspect was confronted by other employees in the bank and the suspect fled empty handed.

Upon exiting BMO bank, the suspect returned to his bicycle location only to discover a fellow delinquent had stolen his bike. The dazed and confused male then kicked their legs in high gear and escaped north on Upper Paradise Road…. on foot.

RIP Jimmy Carter

An interview from 1982 with Peter Sissons that shines light on Carter’s vision, thoughtfulness, reflectiveness, and morality.

Ramen Etiquette and Customer Service

Around two weeks ago, a ramen restaurant in Japan took to social media to post a message, that was translated and shared in a SoraNews24 report, with added context.  To quote:

Menya Kiryu, whose main branch is located in Kawaguchi, Saitama Prefecture, specializes in what’s commonly called “Jiro-style” ramen. Pioneered and popularized by Tokyo-based chain Ramen Jiro, Jiro-style ramen is heavy on the oil and garlic, and the topping often includes extra-fatty cuts of chashu pork and huge piles of vegetables. In short, Jiro-style ramen isn’t for the faint of heart or the slight of appetite, but for fans, the unabashed, unmitigated assault on diners’ taste buds and stomach capacity represents the pinnacle of pleasure when it comes to ramen.

Just because Menya Kiryu specializes in extra-filling ramen, though, doesn’t mean that it’s OK for two people to go halves on a bowl together. That’s exactly what a couple tried to do last Wednesday at the Kawaguchi branch, prompting the following reaction by the restaurant.

To the 30-something couple who just came to our restaurant at 1:41 p.m.,

We ask that each adult in a party order a bowl of ramen.

You were unable to abide with such an obvious request and got worked up. We do not normally offer refunds, but because you would not abide by the request, we refunded your money and you left.

It’s fine by us if you don’t ever come to our restaurant again.

We’re wondering if you’re acquaintances of one of our former employees? You mentioned the name of someone who used to work here, and forcefully insisted ‘We were allowed to share a bowl when we came here before,’ but we have never allowed that.

We believe that you can understand our position on this matter. It seems like you had eaten here many times in the past, but it’s fine by us if you don’t come anymore. We have you recorded on our security cameras and know who you are.

To our other customers who were present at the time, we apologize for any discomfort that was caused.

‘Let your bum find its thing’

British sofa retailer DFS is promoting its winter sale with plenty of  booty-shaking, literally.

Link to video

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News of Jesus… from Florida

A case of a news writer having fun.  Excerpts from a report on the BocaNewsNow.com website:

Boca Raton Cops Arrest Jesus On Christmas Eve

A Palm Beach County judge — apparently tired of waiting for Jesus to return — issued a warrant for his arrest. And the City of Boca Raton Police Department executed that warrant on Christmas Eve. Jesus Macedanino of Davie was taken into custody Tuesday evening. Jesus is now spending Christmas in the Palm Beach County Jail.

While Jesus’ arrest report continues to be processed by the Palm Beach County Clerk of Courts, the jail tells BocaNewsNow.com that his alleged sins include one count of failing to appear for a court hearing, one count of violating probation, and one count of operating a motor vehicle without valid registration. He is being held on $2,000 bond.

Jesus lives in the 500 block of SW 132nd Terrace in Davie. Aside from bond, the traffic citation issued carries a $264 fine. None of this should be an issue, as it’s widely believed that Jesus saves.

Christmas Checklist

From a post by traveltech company WeRoad, part of a cheeky holiday campaign.

Forget Your Wallet

From Norway: a new spot for mobile payment app, Vipps, with an utterly unforgettable twist at its end.

Link to video

A Time to Undo Naughtiness

Toyota’s holiday campaign has a boy make a last minute effort to get off Santa’s ‘naughty list’.

Link to video

Execution Pride

According to a recently released report by the American non-profit, Death Penalty Information Center, legal executions in the USA in 2024 remained at historic lows.  A total of 25 people were executed across nine states with Alabama leading the tally with 6 executions, followed by Texas with 5 executions.  Make of that what you will, it was the response of Steve Marshall, Attorney General of Alabama, that really got my attention.  To quote:

This has been a team effort. I would like to thank Commissioner John Hamm and @ALCorrections, as well as my dedicated group of capital litigators, for delivering long-awaited justice for each of these victims.

Arrested for plot to ‘bewitch’ Zambia’s president

Excerpts from a BBC news report:

Two men have been arrested in Zambia accused of being “witchdoctors” who had been tasked with trying to bewitch the president.

The police said they had arrested Jasten Mabulesse Candunde and Leonard Phiri in the capital, Lusaka.

“Their purported mission was to use charms to harm” President Hakainde Hichilema, said the police statement, released on Friday.

Many people in the southern African country believe in - and live in fear of - witchcraft.

The police said Mr Candunde and Mr Phiri were hired by Nelson Banda, the younger brother of MP Emmanuel “Jay Jay” Banda.

Mr Candunde and Mr Phiri have been charged under Zambia's Witchcraft Act with “possession of charms”, “professing knowledge of witchcraft” and “cruelty to wild animals”.

The pair were found in possession of “assorted charms”, including a live chameleon, the police added.