Now that’s a description that you don’t get to see very often.
To quote the exact headline of a news report out of Australia, on the website of The Age:
‘I stole a gorilla, so what?’ Man behind retirement home ape heist appears in court
For those who may be wondering, the ‘ape’ in question is a life-size gorilla statue named Gary, that was stolen in June. A search of the phone of the accused, revealed a text message that read “lol I stole a gorilla so what”.
It’s a collaboration between Lidl and designer Nik Bentel. To quote from the latter’s website:
In the spirit of food-meets-fashion, we worked with LIDL to create a leather handbag inspired by LIDL's famed All Butter Croissant.
I’ll let this news report explain:
Southampton International Boat Show is tackling chip thievery head-on by hiring the UK’s most famous hawk as its new head of seagull security to deter hungry gulls.
Rufus the Hawk, who also patrols Wimbledon every year, will look to keep the skies seagull-free at this year’s show and create a ‘safe chip zone’ for everyone to enjoy.
His appointment comes after research found that seagulls have been responsible for the theft of more than 60 million chips in the UK, affecting nearly two in five adults.
A sixth of those surveyed have even resigned to quit the chips completely, opting for seaside treats that are less likely to be pinched.
And Southampton was found to have one of highest seagull related chip theft rates in the UK, with 44 per cent of residents having experienced it first-hand – more than other South Coast destinations like Brighton and Plymouth.
To quote from a BBC report:
Icelandic supermarkets have been left in a pickle, after a viral TikTok trend saw an unprecedented surge in demand for cucumbers - leaving suppliers racing to keep up.
It comes after social media influencers in the small Nordic country began sharing a salad recipe of grated cucumbers, sesame oil, garlic, rice vinegar and chilli oil.
The recipe has been such a hit that farmers in the country have been unable to keep up with spiralling demand, Iceland's farmers association - the Horticulturists’ Sales Company (SFG) - told BBC News.
The viral trend has its roots in Canada - where TikToker Logan Moffitt, dubbed "cucumber guy", has been sharing novel recipes using the variety.
“Sometimes, you just need to eat a whole cucumber,” is the influencer's go-to phrase at the start of his many recipe videos.
The content creator has more than 5.5 million followers and has been sharing cucumber recipes almost everyday since July.
The one that appears to have gripped users in Iceland uses sesame oil and rice vinegar, but sometimes Logan mixes in cream cheese, avocado, and even smoked salmon.
From Germany: McDonald’s wants us to know that its ‘Der M’ burger is too big to eat with just one hand, and too tasty to put down, even for a moment. And you don’t have to know German to get that message in these delightful spots.
Following the viral video of a German warship playing The Imperial March (a.k.a. Darth Vader’s Theme) while entering London, the country’s navy has clarified that there was nothing to read into that choice. To quote from an Ars Technica report:
Coming eight decades after Londoners lived through the German "blitz" in World War II and then spent years waiting for a German naval invasion that never materialized, playing the Big Bad Guy's theme from Star Wars films was certainly a bold choice. But a German naval spokesperson assured the BBC that the music had "no deeper message" and added that it was not some sort of commentary from the German naval staff. Rather, the boat's commander "can choose the music freely."
The little spectacle did show two things. One—assuming this was, in fact, a joke—it put the lie to the old stereotype that the Germans have no sense of humor, a stereotype that has led to the production of actual BBC headlines like "Why people think Germans aren't funny."
Second, it's a reminder that people of my generation, those who grew up watching the original (and best!) Star Wars trilogy, are now the people running the world and its weapons systems. And we're bringing our musical tastes with us, even if they come from a galaxy far, far away.
Separately, AP News offered these notable observations:
For its departure, a tugboat pulled the warship down the river near Tower Bridge as sailors — without any lightsabers, sadly — stood on the deck.
There’s no word whether Anakin Skywalker himself was aboard.
Specsavers teams up with wordsmith Gyles Brandreth to create a short selection of misheard sayings.
Your hands have a mind of their own, and they want you to DIY home improvement tasks: that’s the message in this over-the-top spot for Hornbach.
The original, impossibly handsome Mr. Ripley.
In the words of French President, Emmanuel Macron:
Melancholic, popular, secretive, he was more than a star: a French monument.
To quote from a social media post by New York magazine:
Delon starred in the tabloids almost as much as in films of the French New Wave.
Purple Noon (1960)
-Identity Theft
Le Samouraï (1967)
- Car Theft
The basketball superstar channels 007 in a delightful new spot for tequila brand, Lobos 1707, in which he is a shareholder. The spot also stars the brand’s founder, Diego Osorio, and actress Victoria Justice.
To quote from a news report out of Minnesota:
At around 12:56 Saturday afternoon (August 10th), the Fergus Falls Police Department responded to a parking lot to a report of a man being hit with a car by his ex.
According to court documents, the victim and his girlfriend, 30-year-old Veronica Roleen Gast of Fergus Falls, were driving to therapy to work on their relationship.
Now that’s not the sort of news you get to see too often.
Excerpts from a report out of the Czech republic:
A kangaroo that escaped from Jiřice Prison in Nymburk has returned voluntarily after a week on the run.
“Today, he hopped back into the prison on his own,” the prison stated. “The convicts and a keeper then trapped him using a volleyball net and returned him to the enclosure in a sling.”
How come the prison had a kangaroo?
Jiřice Prison operates as an open prison and includes a kennel that houses several animals, including kangaroos. These animals play a significant role in the therapeutic programs for inmates.
Kangaroos have been kept at the prison since 2018, as their presence helps instill a sense of responsibility in the convicts.
A series of amusing spots for UK retailer Currys that could have done with some real ‘rage’ on display.
It all started when clips of NFL quarterback Will Levis putting mayonnaise in his coffee went viral. That led to the one-of-a-kind announcement that he had signed an endorsement deal with mayonnaise brand Hellmann’s. The latest in their collaboration is a limited-edition fragrance that is described as “the world’s first parfum de mayonnaise”.
To quote from the press release:
See mayo, taste mayo, smell mayo. Today, Hellmann's® Mayonnaise is releasing the world's first parfum de mayonnaise, Will Levis No. 8, in partnership with condiment icon and star quarterback, Will Levis. The fragrance was crafted to harness the tantalizing scent of the world's most alluring condiment – mayonnaise. Developed to exude an aura of greatness, the curated scent helps football fans feel and smell ready for game day (and every day!).
"With the launch of my signature scent, I've fulfilled a lifelong dream of partnering with Hellmann's to craft a fragrance like no other, one truly embodying the distinct scent of greatness." said Will Levis. "Rich and creamy, Will Levis No. 8 is more than a mayonnaise-inspired fragrance. It's transformative. I've eaten mayo, drank mayo, and now I can smell like mayo."
The brand also released a 40-second spot that captures the strangeness of perfume commercials as also the quirkiness that has marked its collaboration with Levis.
To quote from a news report out of Scotland:
A sandwich business in St Andrews is looking to bring in a £1 ‘seagull insurance’ on all purchases – as the birds steal food from up to 30 customers a day.
The owners of the Cheesy Toast Shack say they give free replacements to dozens of customers each day, due to seagulls swooping in, attacking people and stealing their newly-purchased food.
The business says this costs them hundreds of pounds a day – and are “desperate” for a solution. The owners are now “seriously considering” adding the gull insurance on every purchase to try to cover the losses caused by the winged menaces.
Cafe owner Kate Carter-Larg, 35, said: “The gulls are super aggressive and actually terrifying. We are a family run business and I can’t just sit and watch a sandwich get stolen and not replace it, so I’ll always give another for free.
“But it has been costing us a lot of money. People are even left bleeding after the gulls swoop for the food. We get old women emailing us saying ‘I’ve nearly rolled my ankle because of seagulls’. We have children crying too from it.
“People will come to take photos of our sandwiches – and the minute they hold toastie up for a pic, all the seagulls dive bomb them. People are left bleeding, they really are a problem.”
That’s from a Facebook post by cat litter brand, World’s Best Cat Litter, to announce a ‘House Smelling Party’ last week, to launch the latest addition to its product line.
Your nose is cordially invited to celebrate the launch of new Poop Fighter™ litter at our House Smelling Party Tour
Each stop features local adoptable cats, the opportunity to send a Litter Box Anonymous postcard to your nose-blind friends, and the chance to win a year's supply of Poop Fighter™.
PS: Be sure to check out the ‘poetry’ on the postcard appended below
The brand also released a commercial, that features an original song, whose lyrics include these lines:
Now that the air is clear
I'll treasure your front and rear
Excerpts from a report by a local police department in the US state of Missouri:
Officers arrived on scene and located Richard Bann (72) of Springfield, MO sitting on a walker by the front door. Bann stated to the officer that he was expecting him and he had just robbed the bank. Bann provided the officer with an envelope containing a $20.00 bill.
The officer spoke with witnesses on scene that advised Bann entered the business and announced that he was robbing the bank. Bann told the witness to place money into an envelope, but did not specify how much money. The witness placed a $20.00 bill in an envelope and handed it to Bann. Bann then exited the business and waited near the front door for officers to arrive. There was no weapons displayed by Bann and no weapons were located.
His motive?
Bann told the officer he wanted to go to prison so he could get medical attention.
There’s also this:
Bann is currently being held on a $50,000 cash only bond.
To quote from a news report:
The hiring strategy of a company in China has gone viral after it explicitly banned candidates born in the Year of the Dog.
Those behind the employment policy believed that applicants born under the canine Chinese zodiac sign would bring bad luck to the boss of the firm who is a dragon.
China has 12 zodiac signs, each assigned to a year in a repeating 12-year cycle.
The belief is that two signs positioned opposite each other on the cycle are in conflict, such as the dragon and dog.
The company, Sanxing Transportation based in southern China’s Guangdong province, wanted to hire a clerk for a monthly salary of 3,000 to 4,000 yuan (US$420 - US$550), half the average salary in the province.
In its job description it specifically asked candidates born under the dog sign of the zodiac to “not apply for the job”.
It started with a baseless rumour on social media about J.D. Vance that went viral, and then made news headlines.
Things escalated when John Oliver chimed in, offering ‘reasons’ for the widespread interest, as well as his own personal take.
Somewhere along the line, the Democrats first made veiled references, then Tim Walz saw an opportunity to dish out a sly one-liner on the campaign trail.
Which brings me to this campaign ad—an expletive-laced promotion for a spoof product, that is the brainchild of creative agency Quality Meats. In contrast to the tongue-in-cheek humour of everything before it, this is a lot more direct and in-your-face.
Noah Karberg, an airport manager on the Massachusetts island of Nantucket, is in the news after a seagull made off with his wallet while he was loading groceries into his car. His recounting of the episode, in particular, makes for interesting reading. A few excerpts from across a couple of news reports:
I was in a fishing shirt and board shorts, so no pockets. I put my phone and my wallet in the tray on top of the shopping cart. I do my shopping, and buy my groceries, come out to my truck, load most of my groceries onto the tailgate. I take a last couple of bags around to the backseat, come back around to the shopping cart, and there is a gull sitting on the cart, and right in front of me, grabs my wallet, flies off!
It mugged me. It just grabbed my wallet and went.
I was thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, this is unreal, I gotta get my wallet back.’ Started chasing the gull across the parking lot like a crazy person, knowing I looked like an idiot, but I really wanted my wallet back.
It was like a gull with an agenda. Tossed the cash and went straight for my Amex.
Sources:
NBC10 Boston
Nantucket Current
Puns abound in this SFW spot for Dutch adult accessories retailer, EasyToys.
The Mirror called it a “manhood mishap”, others have described it as “battle of the bulge” and having a “hard” time. As reported on the indy100 website:
French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati has seen his Olympic dreams go up in smoke after his manhood cost him a medal but he can rest easy as he has become an instant online star.
The 21-year-old French athlete was attempting to clear the 5.70 metre mark on his third at the Paris games but failed to do and he can blame a sensitive part of his body for the result.
Even though Ammirati had made it over the bars his own genitals caught the bar on the way down, thus knocking it off and eliminating him from any potential medal hopes.
Whiskey brand, Fireball, has announced what it calls “its first official contribution to matrimonial merriment” — the Fireball Garter. To quote from the press release:
A smoking hot twist on a timeless bridal accessory, the Fireball Garter isn’t like grandma’s garter. This one comes with a spicy little secret: tucked away in its red, lacy embrace is a pocket perfectly sized to hold a 50ml shot of Fireball. Because what could be more fun than surprising your S/O with a sizzling surprise shot when they least expect it?! Getting iced is so last season - this year, bring the heat instead.
“Fireball is committed to rewriting the rules and setting fire to traditions one shot at a time, and weddings are no exception,” said Danny Suich, Global Brand Director for Fireball. “Our fans have been making Fireball a part of their celebrations for years, from adult Fireball flower girls and guys, to wedding favors and more. Weddings light up when Fireball’s involved, so we thought it was high time we ignited a part of the party that was begging for something a little extra: the garter toss. We’re excited to see brides and grooms surprise their partners with something fun and unexpected that's sure to be remembered for years to come.”
To quote from a news report out of Florida:
A Florida woman found herself behind bars after a traffic stop yielded the discovery of several drugs stashed inside a bag labeled “Bag of Drugs,” according to Florida Highway Patrol.
