‘A Canny Courtroom Showman in Buckskin’

Excerpts from The New York Times obit of American trial lawyer Gerry Spence:

Gerry Spence, the buckskinned legal maverick who called himself America’s best trial lawyer and dramatized that claim with a white Stetson, a dazzling courtroom record and a score of books that gunned down his opponents all over again, died on Wednesday at his home in Montecito, Calif. He was 96.

Mr. Spence often boasted that he had never lost a criminal case with a jury trial, as either a defense lawyer or a prosecutor, and that he had not lost a civil case since 1969. That was not actually true, but it was not far off. He was known to lose now and then, and several of his notable civil verdicts were overturned on appeal.

But in the tradition of Perry Mason, he seemed unbeatable…

He sometimes poked fun at his own cowboy imagery — the snakeskin boots and 10-gallon hat, the long silvery-blond hair and buckskin-fringed jackets that conjured Buffalo Bill Cody.

But he exploited it all, often in seemingly hopeless criminal cases.

A man who shot his former wife in front of eight witnesses: Not guilty. The white supremacist charged with killing a federal agent at Ruby Ridge in Idaho: Not guilty. Imelda Marcos, the widow of President Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines, accused of looting the Philippine treasury of $200 million for a lifestyle that included thousands of pairs of shoes and real estate in Manhattan: Not guilty.

Mr. Spence was big, loud, swaggering and outrageous in court. He once clapped his hands in the face of a drowsy prosecutor and thundered, “Wake up!” He barked at judges.

In a corn-pone drawl, he once told a jury, “You’ve got to get the hogs out of the spring if you want to get the water cleared up.”

He always put on a good show, with tricks and stunts to go with the fine arts of cross-examination and jury persuasion. But behind the courtroom magic lay extensive investigations and meticulous research, techniques he detailed in books and in five-week seminars that he gave annually at the Trial Lawyers College he founded at his 220-acre ranch near Dubois, Wyo., southeast of Yellowstone National Park.

IKEA’s seagull poop promotion

From the campaign to announce the opening of IKEA’s Brighton store.

‘Appropriate embarrassment’ saves driver from criminal charge

To quote from a report out of Canada:

A driver who was pulled over while leaving an electronic music festival in B.C. was let off with a warning after he demonstrated “appropriate embarrassment” for the reason why, according to authorities.

The B.C. Highway Patrol posted a photo of the offending vehicle on social media Monday, saying the driver was “angry” when he was first stopped by police leaving Shambala last month.

However, when the officer pointed out he had a gas nozzle and hose hanging out of the side of the SUV he quickly became “apologetic.”

Spokesperson Cpl. Michael McLaughlin told CTV News, in an email, the consequences for this could have included a $109 fine under the Motor Vehicle Act, under a section that prohibits having a “sharp or ragged” projection from one’s vehicle. Refusal to return the hose could have resulted in a criminal charge for possession of stolen property, according to McLaughlin.

“In this case, the police officer was definitely on the lookout for potential impairment or distraction. However, the driver was not impaired or speeding, so when he offered to return the nozzle and felt appropriate embarrassment, the officer let him go with a warning,” McLaughlin’s statement said.

Scamageddon

From Australia: Steve Buscemi stars as an alien warlord in a new campaign for Telstra.

Link to video

Toothpaste to make milk taste better

I’ll let this report out of Japan explain:

Japanese toothpaste brand Breath Labo and major milk brand Morinaga no Oishii Milk have teamed up to see if fresh breath can make a glass of milk taste even better.

The two companies recruited 100 people to brush their teeth with Breath Labo and then drink some Morinaga no Oishii Milk, and asked for their opinions. Of those surveyed, 78 percent said they felt brushing their teeth made the milk taste significantly richer and crisper, and a further 21 percent said that it did so to a certain extent.

Tomato Ketchup Smoothie

It’s a limited edition offering from Heinz in collaboration with Smoothie King.  To quote from the press release:

While everyone knows the age-old question “is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?” recently, thousands have started asking, “if tomatoes are a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?” Today, the global leader in ketchup, HEINZ, teams up with the world’s largest smoothie brand, Smoothie King, to go all in and settle the debate. Introducing: The HEINZ Tomato Ketchup Smoothie, the first-ever ketchup-based smoothie, which blends real fruits with HEINZ Simply Tomato Ketchup to create a delicious and refreshing summer sip.

The HEINZ Tomato Ketchup Smoothie blends sweet Acai sorbet, crisp apple juice, juicy strawberries, and tart raspberries with the unmistakable taste of HEINZ Simply Ketchup, which is all-natural and made with red ripe tomatoes full of vitamins and antioxidants. The result? A sweet and fruity smoothie with a bright, tangy ketchup finish, perfect for HEINZ and smoothie lovers alike.

As for its taste, this is what one reviewer had to say:

Having tasted and written about all sorts of odd food brand mashups and downright awful stunts, I was pleasantly surprised to be offered a refreshingly tart and slightly tangy fruit-forward smoothie. It’s red, but that’s one of its very few resemblances to drinking ketchup. The berries and açaí offer sweet, sour and earthy notes, while the Heinz adds just a hint of savory and tomato flavors, mostly noticeable on the aftertaste. Sure, ketchup may be more of a supporting player than the star, but this sauce is used to it.

Pink Sky at Night

The Director’s Cut of fragrance brand Ffern’s  Summer 25 spot featuring Bill Nighy.

Link to video

Plastic Masculinity

From Denmark: a new campaign for environmental NGO Plastic Change takes inspiration from a recent study that found microplastics in penile tissue in four out of five men undergoing surgery for erectile dysfunction.

The idea, we are told, is to put pressure on the largely male delegates at the ongoing UN Global Plastics Treaty talks “to act decisively against new plastic production - by hitting them where it matters most: the physical manifestation of their masculinity”. 

Arrested for ‘threats to kill following copulation with a refrigerator’

That’s from a blotter post by the Seattle Police Department—a strangely worded report, written with questionable flourish. 

Police Arrest Armed Man for Threats to Kill Following Copulation with Trader Joe’s Refrigerator

Here are the cold hard facts. On a warm, August day, Seattle police officers arrested a 33-year-old man for making threats to kill with a knife following copulation with a refrigerator inside of a Trader Joe’s grocery store.

On Aug. 5 at about a 2:15 p.m., patrol officers responded to the 1700 block of East Madison Street following a report of a man using racial slurs and brandishing a knife at security. Shortly after, he also threatened to kill everyone in the store.

According to the security guard, he confronted the man for allegedly “humping” a refrigerator and attempting to do the same to a customer. When challenged, the suspect became upset and kicked a flower display. He also threw apples.

Multiple officers responded and arrested the suspect for felony Harassment. Police booked the suspect, a registered sex offender, into the King County Jail.

Then there’s this closing line:

The suspect’s life might get a lot harder if he is not allowed to come within 500 feet of a fridge.

‘Florida grown at its finest’

That’s what one observer had to say of a deputy at a local Sheriff’s office who, in the span of a few minutes, efficiently pulled an alligator out of a backyard swimming pool and buckled it in the backseat of his patrol car, ready to be relocated.

As reported by the Sheriff’s office on social media:

The alligator wasn’t happy its pool time was over or about the ride in the patrol car, but it was buckled in and safely relocated to a nearby pond by Deputy [Nathan] Richardson.

When asked about putting a seat belt on the alligator, this is what Richardson was quoted as saying:

I put everyone in a seat belt in my back seat so I felt like I should buckle the gator up too.

Link to video

‘Mother Nature can be a real Mother f-’

Columbia Sportswear kicks off its new ‘Engineered for Whatever’ campaign with a bonkers spot that mixes irreverent humour with outlandish scenarios, and rips through the tropes of outdoor apparel advertising,

Link to video

Singing Trouble

Excerpts from a social media post by a search and rescue non-profit that operates in parts of British Columbia, Canada:

Thursday night, COSAR [Central Okanagan Search & Rescue] responded to reports of someone yelling for help near the Boulderfields, a popular climbing spot off the Kettle Valley Railway. Two concerned hikers called 911 after hearing repeated cries.

Early responders even heard faint yelling—but couldn’t make out what was being said. Was it “help”? Or worse, Nickelback?

Then we found him: a lone camper, singing his heart out to the trees, blissfully unaware that the acoustics of the Boulderfields had turned his tent-side concert into an accidental distress signal.

“He wasn’t in trouble,” said COSAR Search Manager Duane Tresnich. “Unless you count his singing.”

And remember, our services are always free. And the money you save could be spent on singing lessons.

Malört tastes like…

The notorious wormwood-based schnapps is a challenge to drink, and its undefinable unsavoriness is an even greater challenge to communicate.

That’s from a piece in Chicago magazine a few years ago that compiled a list of things that various people had said about the taste of Jeppson’s Malört liqueur.  It included noteworthy opinions such as these:

It tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak.

It tastes like someone vomited up their gin and now you're drinking it from a shoe.

It’s like swallowing a burnt condom full of gas.

Well, the brand is now formally inviting descriptions that may well  be used on its label.  To set the ball rolling, it has put out a campaign with some very NSFW comparisons.

‘Like a middle finger to CO2’

Samuel L. Jackson offers his inimitable take on wind farms in a spot for energy giant, Vattenfall, that comes days after Donald Trump’s rant against “windmills.”

Link to video

Link to uncensored version

Chill Deodorant

Coors Light and deodorant brand Duradry have joined hands to come up with Dura Chill - a deodorant that they recommend keeping refrigerated.  To quote from the press release:

Coors Light, the beer that's made to chill, is teaming up with Duradry, the sweat-fighting experts, to drop the freshest summer essential: Dura Chill, the first-ever chill deodorant with cold-activated packaging to let you know when it's ready to be applied.

Inspired by the viral trend of chilling beauty and skincare products for an extra refreshing boost, Dura Chill feels best straight from the fridge. Just like Coors Light's iconic cold-activated cans, Dura Chill features the same technology to signal chill: pop it in the fridge, and when the mountains turn blue, it's ready to deliver Rocky Mountain freshness straight to your underarms with an instant cooling effect and all-day sweat protection.

And this is how one of the people promoting the product summed it up:

Dura Chill is like giving your underarms their own ice-cold beer.

Spicy but SFW

Doritos is promoting its new Golden Sriracha chips with a spot that takes inspiration, believe it or not, from retro porn movies.  The cast is headlined by Walton Goggins as ‘the plumber’ and other characters include ‘the cougar’ and ‘the bombshell’.  Be sure to check out the crew ‘credits’ at the end that include ‘Director of Innuendo’, ‘Tension Specialist’ and ‘Seduction Consultant’.

Link to video

French IT worker in Japan moonlights as rickshaw puller

To quote from a SoraNews24 report:

In the fall of last year, Joris De Bievre was introduced via a mutual acquaintance to the owner of Kanazawa Ichirikisha, a rickshaw tour company that pulls customers around the Kanzawa’s historical sightseeing quarters. “Why don’t you try working with us?” the owner asked De Bievre, who’d previously worked as a guide for Japanese tourists in France, and so he decided to take the rickshaw boss up on his offer.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Astronomer spokesperson

Make that “very temporary” spokesperson.  But it’s a smart PR move, no question, and funny too.

Link to video

Bodily service deficiency

Excerpts from a news report out of Pattaya, Thailand:

A late-night dispute unfolded when three Indian tourists called police to remove a Thai bar girl from their hotel room, claiming she didn’t meet their expectations — citing specifically that “her chest was too small” and her figure wasn’t what they imagined.

The three Indian men admitted to hiring the woman from a local bar for companionship, but claimed they changed their minds after she undressed, saying her appearance didn’t match what they had in mind. When she refused to leave without the rest of the agreed-upon payment, they contacted police to intervene.

Police initially encouraged both sides to negotiate a resolution, warning that legal action could follow if they failed to agree. In the end, the tourists received a partial refund, and both parties left the scene without pressing charges.

9V battery flavoured corn chips

I’ll let the press release explain.

Remember the oddly tempting thrill of touching your tongue to a 9-volt battery? New snack brand Rewind is turning that fleeting dare into a (surprisingly tasty) reality with the launch of the world's first 9-volt battery flavoured corn chips.

Bizarre flavour trends and viral food experiments are everywhere on social media, but snacking brand Rewind now wants to take it to the next level. The 9-volt battery flavoured corn chips are part of its mission to help consumers rewind to the good times and to establish themselves as a nostalgia inducing brand from launch.

The desire to touch your tongue to a 9-volt battery is something millions around the world have been tempted by. Pop legend Britney Spears was even asked once in an interview whether she had done so, resulting in a viral video clip. Rewind now offers a snackable way to revisit one of the 90's weirdest shared experiences - no batteries required.

There’s also this disclaimer:

The 9-volt battery flavoured chips contain no actual battery components. We do not recommend or condone licking, biting, or otherwise ingesting real batteries.